Student From California Confused by Cold Weather, Assumes Snow Is Ash from Nearby Wildfire

After stepping outside on Tuesday, first-year Audrey Smith, a native of Los Angeles, was confused by the sight of snow and concluded there must be a wildfire nearby.

“Where I’m from, little white flurries are ash from the nearest gender-reveal-turned-forest fire,” she explained.

Smith, who had never before experienced temperatures below 70 degrees, was shocked to discover a meteorological concept known as “seasons.” The only season she had previously been familiar with was Fire Season, though she contested that it was less of a season and more of a lifestyle. She is currently failing her Environmental Science class.

Smith reflected on her fatal mistakes that day, including going outside with wet hair and opening a metal door handle barehanded. “It’s been, like, literally so hard,” she told The Dealer.She also admitted to missing  the familiar natural disasters of her home state, such as earthquakes and fires.

Discovering there was no Erewhon on campus was the last straw. Smith announced she will be transferring to USC, where the only ice she’ll have to worry about will be the ice in an overpriced acai bowl.