UChicago Student Devastated By “A” Grade

Reginald Sniffington, a first-year University of Chicago student, was reportedly devastated today after receiving an “A” grade in his Power, Identity, Resistance class. With

noticeably red, puffy eyes, he told the Dealer, “The once-sacrosanct standards of academic rigor at this university have catastrophically declined. I made several trivial blunders while formulating my final essay, and yet I still received an exemplary grade in Power.”

When asked about his mistakes, Sniffington admitted, “I used slightly imprecise word choice in the fifth sentence of my fourth paragraph, and, most embarrassingly, I negligently used MLA instead of Chicago style citations. I feel like such a fraud!”

Sniffington demanded swift action from University administration, calling for the course instructor to be “fired forthwith and replaced by someone who respects the sacred history of the Chicago Canon” and for his course grade to be “promptly lowered to a B+, which is what I deserve.” He warned, shuddering, that if these actions were not undertaken, the University of Chicago might “sink to the level of a second-rate institution, such as Northwestern or Yale.”

After another student remarked that they had also received an A in the course, Reginald began hyperventilating and fled to his dorm, saying he “needed a minute.”