UChicago to Pay All Employees in Maroon Dollars

In an attempt to reduce costs, the University of Chicago has taken a page from George Pullman’s book and will pay all faculty in Maroon dollars. In 1894, just four years after the school’s founding, Pullman created his own currency to pay his employees, cutting wages while maintaining rent prices in company housing. 

When asked about their decision, University administrators stated, “We’re excited to go back to a time when we weren’t in debt.” The Dealer requested to speak with the mastermind behind the decision, famed economist Arthur Laffer, who said, “I believe strongly in my judgment. It is yet to fail any major institution thus far.”

When the Dealer looked into Laffer’s hiring, we found that the school accumulated more than $500,000 in debt after bringing him in. When questioned about why he didn’t take his payment in Maroon dollars, Laffer replied, “Why would I do that shit? What am I, a moron?”