Letter from Cain to Abel Discovered in Sacrificial Lamb Pit

February 27, Dawn of Man

LAND OF NOD – Investigators have recently discovered a very, very old sacrificial pit. After thorough research involving several hallucinogens, historians have determined that this pit is, indeed, a sacrificial lamb pit from the Ancient Days of Man, the one mentioned in the Book of Genesis. They also found an authentic letter addressed to “Abel The Lamb Killer” from “Wheat is Superior” inside the pit. Some sentences that the historians have managed to decipher include “God still loves me more,” “I’m gonna hit your head with a stone really hard,” and “You better start running.”