Op-Ed From Dean Hale: UChicago Launches Study Abroad Program in I-House

Alright you rapscallions. I get that an occasional joke at another’s expense can be funny, but the Shady Dealer’s recent article, “Dean Hale’s Aims of Education Speech Found to Be a Sedative More Powerful than Nyquil,” is frankly where I draw the line.

Since the undergraduate student body clearly seems to be lacking cultural refinement, I have decided to extend your Core Curriculum requirements by adding a mandatory quarter abroad. It is therefore my great pleasure to announce UChicago will offer a study abroad program at the International House to commence this Spring 

Even better: the instructors of the program will be my precious little I-House students. How did I manage to convince them? It’s simple supply and demand really: it’s remarkable how motivated students can be when I say that their Maroon Dollars are being cut off. Anyways, here are some of the courses you can expect to see on offer:

SOSC 11401: An introduction to chain-smoking 

SPAN 20300: ********* and other words to avoid around your grandmother

HIST 13300: Barilla vs De Cecco: the other 100 Years War

Bear in mind that at UChicago, we take our Study Abroad programs very seriously and believe rigorous cultural integration is paramount. This is why I have personally overseen the adoption of several measures that will make escape from I-House very, very difficult. Any attempts at a “prison break” will be met with stiff opposition by the polar bear population now residing along the Midway, and my plague rats are just as indiscriminate.

While there is a true breadth of intellectual opportunities at I-House to look forward to, all

attending students will be expected to take a writing seminar on the subject of “The merits of our Glorious Leader Dean Hale”, so I suggest you start brainstorming ideas soon.

Ex UChicago ad Imperium,

Dean Hale