Op-Ed: This New Duke Will Fix Everything

Saxe-Weimar-Eisenachers, rejoice! Our duchy-wide nightmare is over. For too long, we’ve been plagued by an administration that is clearly more concerned with their bottom line than with our physical and emotional well-being. But the recent change of leadership in the ducal palace will most definitely put this to an end. Ernest August II – who was announced today as the replacement for the late duke Ernest August I – will fix everything that is broken with the administration, guaranteed.

I don’t really know what a duke does, but I do know that our new one will live up to the hype. From the very first words in the decree that introduced him to the student body — “To members of the Saxe-Weimar-Eisenach community” — Ernest August II made it abundantly clear that her true loyalty lies with the people. What will develop out of this new era in the duchy’s history? I don’t know precisely, but I expect radical, sweeping changes. Now that our newest hero is staffing the ducal palace, I would not be surprised in the slightest if I walked into Saxe-Weimar-Eisenach next year to find people suddenly paying thousands of dollars less in taxes, sufficient grain, a new nobility that everybody loves, and an overall much happier populace.

Now, the ducal family has taken its fair share of criticism over the years. But you have to admit that they got this choice incredibly, dramatically right. To those pessimists and skeptics, I have only one thing to say: do you trust our excellent new duke more when he says that he wants to end your serfdom, or are you just holding onto a now-obsolete feeling of resentment of the administration? Are you on the side of progress, or do you just refuse to believe that Duke Ernest August I, who interviewed and selected Duke Ernest August II, would choose someone who wanted to fix the underlying issues they’ve overlooked (and caused) for years? Only one of those beliefs has any place in a rational, rigorous argument.

This new duke will fix everything. You can take that to the bank.