College Admissions is back-pattingly proud to release a new set of prompts expected to herd in an unprecedented number of That Kids. “We were a little disappointed with last year’s haul,” admitted Jim Nondorf, Dean of Admissions. “This time, I know we’ve got it right. These prompts are specially designed to find the people who will ruin your everyday life,” he announced in an email to the student body. The College community can’t wait to see the results on campus next fall.
2020-2021 Supplemental Essay Prompts
#1: Alright, we’ve read (or at least clicked on) like eight pages of you talking about yourself. Enough about you, we want to hear about us! Prompt: If the matter in the universe is finite, why can’t we get enough of ourselves? Tell us why we’re special, say we have the best essay prompts, explain why it’s fine that we have the highest tuition since we sell discounted milkshakes, tell us we’re “quirky” and say we’re pretty (I know you’ve never met us, but if you’re wondering how to BS your way through, just ask the teacher who wrote your recommendation).
Length: Unlimited (like breadsticks, hahaha! We’re so funny!!)
#2: In the word game “Anagrams,” a few letters are rearranged to form as many words as possible. In the spirit of learning how to write for the Humanities Core, do the same thing, except rearranging words in a sentence. E.g., Do humans have the right to be? Is being a human right? Is it right to be human? Is human what right be? Be human is what, right? Etc.
Length: 4-5 pages, double spaced, Times New Roman
#3: Here at the University, we take our extracurriculars seriously, but we take ourselves even more seriously. Whether we’re changing the world through Model UN, arguing in a setting of less consequence like Student Government, or writing about MUN and SG in the Maroon, we are the center of our world. Prompt: Imagine that a year from now you’re one of our rock star College Council members. How will you get people to take you as seriously as you take yourself?
Inspired by Darya #VoteForDarya <3 xD
#4: The following is intended for those students enthused about our esteemed English programme:
Recent reports say that the United States houses some sixteen thousand libraries that are open to the public. Prompt: Why again would you pay 70k a year to read books?
#5: Last March, as governments of all nations banded together to pull off the biggest power-grab of all time, forcing the masses to cover their faces and stay at home. You are elected the next president of the United States but feel that your grasp on the scepter is all too tenuous; design and detail a similar (or creatively unique!) mass-manipulatory scheme to maintain and maximize your power. BONUS: Execute a small-scale proof-of-concept in your own community and show us the results in a three-minute video!
Wow! These prompts really will produce the worst roommates you’ll ever have.