First-Year Experiences During a Quarter of Firsts
To the Director of the Special Collections Research Center at Regenstein Library:
Good or bad, this quarter has been a historic one. As a first-year college student, I feel privileged, if a bit disappointed, to be among the select group of students experiencing college for the first time through the lens of remote learning. It may not be fun, but it is historic. As such, I am preparing this list of experiences I’ve had for the first time this year for historical reference.
Here are some things I’ve done for the first time this year:
- Write a college paper
- Stay in my childhood bed for 96 hours straight, leaving only briefly to take a shit
- Get tested for COVID-19
- Learn I was rejected from an RSO via the Zoom private message feature
- Assemble a collection of plastic silverware from the dining hall, each with their own name
- Pass out drunk in the shower
- Lose my virginity to a spoon — Sandra, if you’re reading this, <3
- Attempt to jump rope with an Ethernet cable for exercise
- Lose my virginity to a human
- Test positive for COVID-19
- Live in Snitchcock!
- Test positive for herpes
- See the snow
- Pass out drunk in the snow
- Too many Canvas modules
- Find someone who maybe, possibly, if I play my cards right, might become the first friend I make in college
