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With University Moving Online, Dealer To Publish Issues Via Fax
CHICAGO, IL – Representatives for the Shady Dealer announced today that, despite the University of Chicago’s move towards online classes, the paper would keep publishing, albeit in a different format. Effective immediately, new issues of the Dealer will be distributed by fax. “With the University moving classes to Zoom, we figured it was finally time to embrace modern technology,” noted the paper’s editors in a statement released Friday. “The coronavirus crisis has forced us to think creatively about how we distribute our issues, and we think we’ve hit upon a solution that will finally bring the Shady Dealer into the 20th century.” Among other factors, the Dealer touted convenience as…
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What Happens Between Pre-Reg and Schedule Release
To the chagrin of unsuspecting students who were already grappling with running complicated game theory calculations in their heads to determine how to rank their classes, pre-registration resolution is now a week longer than normal. This recent change has provoked an outpouring of frustration, with students blaming the malfeasance and incompetence of the computer science department for yet another of their woes. Intriguingly, an investigation by the Shady Dealer has revealed that the computer science department is not to blame. We would never stoop so low as to absolve the administration of blame for its misdeeds, however, and the results of our research have only confirmed our resolve. Continuing our…
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35 Ways to Spend Your Extra Daylight Savings Hour This Weekend:
Bungee jumping Having sex Having more sex Having even more sex because you really don’t take that long to have sex Calling your mother and apologizing for everything Finally visiting the Art Institute Touring Evanston to feel slightly better about your decision to come here PLEIN AIR, finally finishing the long-overdue HUM paper you had all those ideas for when you started (applies to all years) Breathing because you forget how you breathe all the time and it’s amazing Mountain biking Going camping for one complete hour Apologizing to your mother again Going on a date with a real human being who is real, definitely, and totally human Starting books…
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The Worst Part of MODA Was Having to Put the Models Down after the Show
People say to us all the time, “MODA is so great,” “MODA is so original,” “You’re so brave for designing clothes,” “We could never wear clothes like you do” — we know. But so much more goes on behind the scenes. You’ve got your typical fashion show rituals, like eating paper and water for two days before the event. You’ve also got some more progressive traditions, like sacrificing a male virgin as opposed to a female one. But, at the end of the day, the most harrowing thing we have to do as the MODA board is put down all of the models at the end of the show. You…
The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago
