At a shocking press conference held Tuesday, Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel announced he would not be seeking reelection. Reading from prepared remarks, Emanuel explained his last-minute withdrawal from the mayoral campaign. “I’m leaving Chicago and going straight to hell, baby!” The visibly gleeful Emanuel thanked the City Council for their cooperation as he finally relinquishes the ironclad grip he’s had on Chicago’s political machine for the past eight years. “It will fill my eyes with tears to leave a job I love, but it’s time for me to start a new chapter. And that new chapter is in Hell.” Emanuel proposed several initiatives that he would like to see implemented…