By Walker King May 26, 2015 Mom, I appreciate all you’ve done for me. Were it not for the fact that you selflessly feed and clothe me, and selflessly allow me to e…

By Sam Taylor May 26, 2015 1) Inklings, Histories, and Mysteries 2) Hanging out with the gang 3)Carp 4)Sweatshirts with the words “Let’s Hear it for the Boys!” 5) Cheetos Brand Cheetos 6)Stuff…

By Dan Lastres May 26, 2015 Victims’ Families Find Comfort in Protracted Legal Battle Convicted murderer Hollis Rhoper, better known as “The the “Falsetto Killer,” has received a deathcapital sentence on Wednesday for…

By Anna Belle Newport July 17, 2015 The University of Chicago Office of Admissions, after releasing statistics on the incoming class of 2019 on Tuesday, claims to have the most globally experienced cohort…

By Morgan Pantuck July 21, 2015 Area man Ted Peterson passed away in a tragic Zumba accident earlier this weekend. Peterson, 31, was lifting weights at his local gym when he passed an…

By Morgan Pantuck July 22, 2015 The international community expressed widespread alarm this weekend as Vadimar PuginIvan Ivankov, the current Condom Czar of Hitchcock House, mobilized his condom army and began a military…

By Hannah Gitlin July 25, 2015 After a recent study conducted by Emma Jacobson and the rest of the O-Week crew that is somehow already cool, Friday night’s “Giddyup” party most likely won’t…

By Nico Aldape July 26, 2015 1. To what degree do you think you know everything? a. This quiz looks pretty hard. b. I’m average, I guess c. I feel reasonably confident in…

By Mary Vansuch July 28, 2015 Dinner party swag Yaaaaaaaasssssss (careful on spelling; this can dramatically change the value) Authentically Crafted Peoples of Smashing Freely Traded and Organically Grown Swagger Calumet Fisheries Children,…

By Shady Dealer Aug. 1, 2015 Ever wanted to be in a frat without the booze? The Peace Corps without the credit? Boy Scouts without the fire? JOIN ALPHA PHI OMEGA! Focus on…