Top Five Reasons to Sleep with Me
By Liam Coles
Aug. 1, 2016
I want to first preface this with the fact that there are many more reasons to sleep with me. These are just the top.
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I can last long. I can last like
two 2 hours. Minimum. Granted, , -
I have low self-esteem, and I use sex as a basis of measuring my self worth. If you don’t sleep with me, I will cry because I am otherwise unloved.
-
I can give you knowledge that
you have reached rock bottom. -
I have a great sex playlist. It’s good. Like no one has ever heard it, but trust me on this one.
-
It’s like Bar Night at 1:30AM. You might as well.
BONUS: I think I might know where the clitoris is.
EXTRA ONES
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I won’t tell people we had sex.
-
I need to prove myself as a man. While probably not physically satisfying to either of us, the concept of courting a woman fulfills my feeble, masculine
, psychological needs. -
You, however improbabl
y e , could theoretically do worse. -
It’s college
, and otherwise I will think that I am missing out on some grand collective experience. and while While I may have no physical or emotional attraction to you, I want to in order to fit in -
My mom said that we shouldn’t, and I’m rebellious af.
-
I am on a club sport
, so you can say vaguely that you slept with an athlete. -
The third wave of feminism is predicated on sexual liberation, and to live up to the sexual freedom women now have, you should sleep with specifically me.
-
I have heard something about a t-spot?
-
As a cis, upper-middle class, straight, white male, I can sexually transmit some of my privilege to you.
-
Pleeeeaaaaasssssseee
-
I have watched a lot
of porn in my day and basically only know a bunch of totally not unrealistic and uncomfortable positions! -
I want to try stex.
-
My penis longs for the soft touch of human warmth that is not my left hand.
-
I have a tempurpedic mattress pad and it’s soooooo comfy.
I have only had a problem with having a limp dick once, and I SWEAR it was a fluke.
