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Jan. 22, 2016
Sources at the Constitutional Convention told
Sources at the Constitutional Convention told the Shady Dealer this morning that the American Constitution will not include Ben Franklin’s proposed ‘Free Love’ amendment in the Bill of Rights.
“I really don’t feel like Franklin’s 11th amendment has a place in the constitution,” said convention attendee George Mason. “I’d say that all the other amendments are pretty integral to the Constitution, but this just feels completely out of left field.”
An unknown member of the convention provided the Dealer with a copy of the amendment, which begins:
“The right of the people to be secure in their sexual partners, sexual expression, or choice of sexual position, shall not be violated by the United States Government unless on the presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury. No person shall be held accountable for their sexual conducts, whether public, private, monogamous or part of some wild group action.”
In contrast to the other proposed amendments in the Bill of Rights, which are only a few pages, Franklin’s amendment spans several pages and rigorously addresses the depth and breadth of sexual freedom that he hopes the American public will enjoy. It also includes its own table of contents and lengthy glossary to assist those who may not be familiar with the complex and nuanced sexual activities referred to in the document.
The amendment continues, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of sexual hang-ups, or prohibiting the free exercise of tender, erotic experimentation. In addition, the right of the people to keep and bear rods, whips, gags and other instruments of pleasure shall not be infringed.”
“Look, we all like Ben, but there’s just no way that this thing is getting in the constitution” remarked Constitutional framer James Madison. “In addition to being crass, it actively undermines other parts of the constitution. On page four, it says that ‘Cruel and unusual punishment is permissible as long as everyone involved is consenting’. We can’t let that shit in here, it could bring down the whole nation.”
Franklin defended his amendment before the constitutional convention, and accused his fellow framers of being “behind the times”, claiming “France has had this stuff in its Constitution for years”
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The Shady Dealer this morning that the American constitution will not include Ben Franklin’s proposed ‘Free Love’ amendment in the Bill of Rights.“I really don’t feel like Franklin’s 11th amendment has a place in the constitution,” said convention attendee George Mason,. “I’d say that all the other amendments are pretty integral to the Cconstitution, but this just feels completely out of left field.”An unknown member of the convention provided the Dealer with a copy of the amendment, which begins: “The right of the people to be secure in their sexual partners, sexual expression, or choice of sexual position, shall not be violated by the United States Government unless on the presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury. No person shall be held accountable for their sexual conducts, whether public, private, monogamous or part of some wild group action.”In contrast to the other proposed amendments in the Bill of Rights, which are only a few pages, Franklin’s amendment spans several pages and rigorously addresses the depth and breadth of sexual freedom that he hopes the American public will enjoy. It also includes it’s own table of contents and lengthy glossary to assist those who may not be familiar with the complex and nuanced sexual activities referred to in the documentThe amendment goes oncontinuesgoes in this fashion for several pages, making it much longer than any of the other amendments being considered by the Convention. Franklin’s amendment also goes into great detail describing the depth and breadth of sexual freedom that he wants the American people to enjoy.“The thing goes on for pages and pages!” remarkedsaid framer William Samuel Johnson. “The other amendments are only a few sentences—a paragraph at most. This thing is practically endless. Franklin really goes into detail describing the depth and breadth of sexual freedom that he wants the American people to enjoy.”.The amendment continues, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of sexual hang-ups, or prohibiting the free exercise of tender, erotic experimentation. In addition, the right of the people to keep and bear rods, whips, gags and other instruments of pleasure shall not be infringed.”“Look, we all like Ben, but there’s just no way that this thing is getting in the Cconstitution,” said constitutional framer James Madison. “In addition to being crass, it actively undermines other parts of the Cconstitution. On page four, it says that ‘Cruel and unusual punishment is permissible as long as everyone involved is consenting’. We can’t let that shit in here, it could bring down the whole nation.”Franklin defended his amendment before the constitutional convention, and accused his fellow framers of being “behind the times”, claiming “France has had this stuff in its constitution for years.”The document concludes, “In summary, the citizens of the United States of America will have the inalienable right to do it however, whenever, and wherever they please and in whatever manner they see fit—especially if it’s with Uncle Ben.”
