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Jan. 17, 2017
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Ø The freshly-inaugurated 119th Congress kicked off a historic session by rewriting the senate’s rules and regulations, requiring members to conduct all official business on 4chan.org/pol .
Ø After an arousing performance in the 2016 general election, the majority republican congress asserted its dominance by ordering the senate to debate, investigate, and vote on all matters on the anonymous website. Paul Ryan pitched the move as “a serious attempt to improve voter access and government accountability while reducing filibusters and shit-posting.”
Ø Speaker Ryan also convinced senators it was worth attaching a national endowment for the memes. It, and a proposed amendment allowing congress to censure “cuckish” legislators, narrowly passed and will go into effect immediately.
Ø President Trump claimed credit for brokering the deal on Sunday saying, “I was the first one to say ‘we’re not gonna’ remember? ‘we’re not gonna be politically correct’ I said it… remember? nobody would say it, but I said it. I inspired this and senators should be allowed to say it like it is.”
