1. ‎Measles – The rash is in! Coming soon to a local child near you (now complete with Nicole Kidman-style intro!)

2. Skinny Jeans – Slim it all down

3. Polio – Let’s get those child mortality rates going up up up!

4. The Quarter-Zip – If you’re in a quarter-zip, you’re making Lots of Money*

5. Softcore Porn On Television – Have you seen those guys in Heated Rivalry? Even the mayor of New York’s in on it!

*Source: 2026 study of BizCon Majors

Shayaan Gandhi