Two-Factor Authentication Taking Too Long? Here Are Some Alternatives
Is all this security really necessary? For your convenience and my sanity, we propose some reasonable alternatives to DUO two-factor authentication.
- More Witnesses: Require everyone to keep two legal witnesses with them at all times to affirm that no one is being impersonated.
- Social Security Number and Bank Account: Sign in once, and you’re signed in forever! (not a scam we promise)
- Blood Sample: This way it’s easy enough to check if the blood in the bag is the same stuff inside your neck. Remember to grin like a vampire and carry around the sack of blood at all times!
- Avoid the Problem: Just never stop working and stay signed in forever! (Or never start)
- Get Enlightened: Meditate for one week straight and achieve a transcendental understanding of the self. Instead of passwords, recite a koan.
- Proximity to Administrator: pro tip – When in direct physical contact with a Dean of Students, you are granted immunity to bureaucratic procedure. Remember: it’s not privilege, it’s convenience
- TRIO: Download our new app TRIO! Automatically does DUO confirmation with an easy three-digit code!
- “Self, Culture, and Society” I-II-III: Reward for clearing SOSC hidden level IV in Nightmare Mode: the One-Tap-For-All ID card.
- Recommendation: Obtain a hand-written voucher from Phil the Phoenix.
- Complain: On second thought, don‘t.
- Be the victim of identity theft: Now your essay is someone else’s problem!
- Learn to predict the three digit code: Actually it’s probably more effort than pulling out your phone
- Intimidation: Nothing terrifies an appliance more than a jug of water poised to fry its innards.
- Paul Alivisatos’s personal computer: Just grab it from him!
- God: Divine Revelation establishing covenant with God. When has Hobbes ever been wrong?
Elliot Florack
A guy who knows very little about whats happening around him but loves to make jokes about what he does know. Open to discussing past or future articles and can be found trying to lock in at the Harper reading room. Warning: will attempt to give everyone high fives.
