A Guide to Emotionally Preparing for Canvas Notifications

Close your eyes and count to ten

Whether you see, “A comment has been made on your submission,” or, “Assignment Graded: Pset 4 Gradarius,” flash on your phone, it’s best to approach it with a clear mind. Remember: only a select few Canvas notifications will actually reduce you to tears.

Call your parents

You had them in high school, maybe you can still lean on them! If you feel like you’re relying too much on them, remember that this has always been and always will be their unspoken duty. Ask them to move to Chicago.

Use some digital nicotine

That’s what we like to call YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, or anything else to relax after a long arduous day. Even Reddit—nope, never mind, not that. A couple hours of mindless scrolling should take your mind off of what’s to come.

Use some actual nicotine

Nothing takes the “stress” out of “distress” like a good old vape. Hey, at least it’s not TikTok.

Repeat to yourself: “How bad can it be?”

Verbalizing your fears can help you manage them and calm you down. Remember not to actually think about how bad it can be.

Bite the bullet and click on it

When you do, just remember: it’s okay, the curve will help. At least it’ll help a little…