Amazon Announces Plans to Ship Consumers Directly to Product
By Chris Deakin
March 1, 2015
In a press conference this morning, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced that the online retailer will begin delivery of clients to their desired product as early as Spring 2015.
“ConZoomer,” a service now ten years in the making, will be equipped to ship interested patrons to the full complement of Amazon’s diverse offerings. Once a selection is added to the shopping passport, “conzoomers” will receive one collapsible “ZoomBox” per household member within two business days.
“I cannot wait to go to the products,” said early adopter James Lessing, digging his fingernails into his pant-legs. “I can enjoy all my favorite books and appliances in the comfort of their own home. It’s a dream come true.”
Regular ”conzoomers” can spend an industry-standard two business days in the presence of their products, and Amazon Prime members will be allowed free shipping extensions of up to two weeks, provided the products they visit include adequate food and water.
Upon finishing the release, Bezos asked the gathered throng for a moment of silence in honor of the fourteen beta testers who died in transit to their products.
