Introvert Redefines Meaning of “Solo” Cup

By Dan Lastres

Oct. 22, 2015

On Friday night, local introvert Tim Jericho took a major step forward for introverts everywhere when he poured himself a rum and lemonade in the comfort of his own dorm.

“I just want to have a good time like everybody else… but without everybody else around,” said Jericho.

Jericho’s night started off mellow with several episodes of Parks and Recreation on Netflix. Like any party, things started to get out of hand as the night went on. Jericho’s rum to lemonade ratio climbed with every drink he poured. By 11 o’clock the party was in full swing, according to Jericho. His neighbor Julia McCambridge reported that around this time, she could hear “Shots” by LMFAO through their shared wall.

“I was worried that the party in his room was getting out of hand, so I knocked on his door to ask him to turn down the music or break up the party,” McCambridge said.

Cambridge’s concerns, however, proved unnecessary when she discovered that the music and party sounds were coming from a YouTube video while the Lone Rager smiled wistfully at the screen. Hearing that there was free alcohol and no cover charge, several first years arrived at his door around midnight, only to leave immediately when they discovered there were no cups, mixers, ice, seats, or people to talk to.

In a statement posted to his Facebook wall late the next day, Jericho confirmed rumors that the previous night’s party had been a success and that he would treasure the solo cup he had saved as a memory of the thrilling and fulfilling night he had.