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May 2, 2016
FollowingAs a result of their brief meeting in the Vatican, in which the two discussed their shared ideology concerning globabl poverty, Pope Francis and Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders have joined forces to become a new Superhero team called the Progressive Pair. Francis has taken on the iIdentity of The Pontiff, who uses faith-based healing powers to aid both sick people and landscapes. while Mr. Sander’s alter-ego is entitled The Bern, who can harness solar energy and redirect it as heat beams.
The team has made an agenda of going around fighting corruption and performing humanitarian acts around the globe. The Pair has already destroyed notable ISISIslamic State (IS) compounds in Iraq and Syria and provided aid to impoverished areas. The result has been a steady rise both in conversion to the Catholic ChurchCatholicism and in Bernie Sanders’ primary approval ratings.
Official Vatican spokesperson Alexjandroander ConstantinoAnderson said that alliance is “critical for the Church’s appeal to a new generation. Superhero’s are big among the youth these days, so promoting the Progressive Pair will show them how we can all be heroes through acting in compassion as Christ would.”
The Sanders campaign showed similar approval to the venture. Sanders’s pPublic outreach spokesperson commented that using the Vatican’s resources to transport the sSenator to areas of hardship and turmoil will cause his humanitarian appeal to increase. However, the campaign has limited all Vatican donations to $27oo as per election guidelines.
At present time, the Progressive Pair has arrived in rural Sudan in their environmental-friendly Socialimo. The Pontiff was said to purify the water with only a blessing, while Tthe Bern was helpeding cook food for the village. While the residents were grateful to the team, they were confused by the Pontiff’s new tendency to shout strange phrases like “Holy Polaris Bern!” whenever something unusual occurred.
