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Nov. 25, 2016
When he’s not fighting crime in Gotham City, Batman (known asby Bruce Wayne to the publicas a private citizen), loves to be with his wife in Wayne Manor outside the city. Given the notoriety and fame of her husband, Mrs. Wayne would like to merely be referred to as “Mrs. Wayne.” While happy in their marriage, an exclusive Shady Dealer interview with the couple revealed that, like all couples, they are not without their problems – especially in the bedroom. Applying Bat “bat” to words is no new trend for Bruce. After “inventing” the Batmobile sports car and the Batarang boomerang-type weapon, Bruce has begun to apply his trademark “bat-“ prefix to one of the most important aspects of a relationship – sex positions. “I could tolerate having to call the car the Batmobile and boomerangs Batarangs” said Mrs. Wayne, . “But first of all, it’d be nice to drive a car without worrying if I’ll open some secret missile compartment. Second of all, his insistenceing on wearing his mask and cape to bed, referring to our sex as calling when we have sex ‘batmissionary’ and when we cuddle ‘batspooning’our cuddling as ‘batspooning’ isare a bit childish.”
In other bed-related complaints, Mrs. Wayne told the Shady Dealer that during many a lovemaking session, Bruce leaves the bedroom to fight crime because he “won’t finish until my duty serving justice is finished.” Mrs. Wayne has resorted to having to complain to Alfred the butler. “Please help me. I have had decades of Bruce talking to me about new vehicles and guns, whether as a boy or a superhero. Now I have to deal with Mrs. Wayne talking to me about her sexual dissatisfaction. I have never been able to have a wife because I have been trapped in the Wayne household. I would ask someone to hire me, but I am too old“. Please ”–“ grumbled Alfred before suddenly being summoned to another room.
Mrs. Wayne also told the Shady Dealer that Bruce has not been the same since The Dark Knight. “I could see the homoerotic overtones between Bruce and the Joker right off the bat (no pun intended),” said Mrs. Wayne, . “Along with the ‘Bat stuff’, he could never stop talking about how cool the Joker looked in his makeup or asking me if he could ‘put a smile on that face.’ No, Bruce, no. You are putting a frown on that face.”
Mrs. Wayne concluded the interview by saying that Bruce’s attachment to big fancy toys and powers is definitely him overcompensating for something.
