Chicago Shady Dealer

Tips for Giving Blowjobs with Wooden Teeth

By George Washington, 1789
Feb. 2, 2017

This article is for all the sexy women (and men!) out there with a little wood in their teeth that don’t wanna let that get in their way when they’ve got some extra wood in their mouth 😉 ! Whether you’ve just got a wood filling or a whole set of wooden chompers, this guide will make sure you can pump the cum out of a rock if you had to!

1. Drill a dick sized hole in your teeth

This first step is so important! It is absolutely essential for pleasurable wood on wood contact. If you choose to stop at this step (I recommend you don’t!), make sure you get a little WD40 to grease up that tight little mouth pussy of yours. Proper lubrication is important to make your succ go from good to nut-worthy.

2. Put a pocket pussy in the hole

That’s right. What’s better than one sweet puss-puss? Two! Slip in a vibrating pocket pussy to your wooden fuck hole and your man will be one quick succ from a jizz-splos’n.

3. Paint your teeth to look like a spread asshole

Can I get a little hoo-rah for some timeless sodomy? But this isn’t your normal sinful penetration of the anus! With this simple little hack you are committing two different acts of sodomy: copulation of the mouth AND the asshole! Never before have you been able to satisfy these two mortifying obsessions at once! Brilliant! tips for giving blowjobs with wooden teeth