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Aug. 18, 2017
It was daunting enough handling first year at UChicago during the magical era of romantic idealism made possible bywhenile it was still possible to onecould still bask in the warm glow of romantic idealism that emanated from the blessed union of soul mates that was the Chris Pratt and Anna Faris marriage. So when the unthinkable happened and the greatest Hollywood fairytale of all time came crashing down this summer, the class of 2021, nay, all of humanity was suddenly faced with the prospect of getting through first year without the euphoric satisfaction of the Pratt-Faris miracle to lean on. To those unfortunate students—indeed, to us all— I offer the following brief survival guide:
1) Try to remember that deep down, you always suspected that Chris Pratt was too good to be true. Y, and that you could see it in poor little Anna’s face; that even she knew he’d cheat on her eventually after he lost all that weight.
2) Vent your frustration with Chris Pratt by taking Self, Culture, and Society, where you can revel in the spectacle of Simone de Beauvoir putting Sigmund Freud in his place.
3) Snap out of it! Your first-year love life was going nowhere whether Chris Pratt remained faithful to Anna Faris or not——this isn’t Bucknell, it’s UChicago, for crying out loud.
