The Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    University Classrooms Taken Over by “That Kid” Translations

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Kiara Nerenberg Nov. 7, 2012 A new wave of “uncommon-ness” has hit University of Chicago classrooms, this time in the form of rare textbook editions. “At first, it was just a few…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Dog Learns to Use Facebook

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Hannah Gitlin Oct. 21, 2012 It’’s dinnertime in the Powell household. Steven and Gwen Powell, and their children Anna, 17, and Sarah, 15, are seated around the dinner table. The family dog,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How To Tell Your Parents You’re a Philosophy Major Now

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Jean-Jacques Buterbaugh Dec. 5, 2018 You got home for winter break the other day but you can feel a lingering tension in the air. Your parents seem excited to see you but they…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Administration Finally Addresses Dental Health Stigma Through Dental Health Awareness Week

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Harry Weinstein Dec. 5, 2018 Last Thursday, Dean John Boyer unveiled a new wellness initiative: Dental Health Awareness Week. Dean Boyer said the campaign was put in place to ensure no student forgets…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Bookstore Adds Hard Liquor to School Supply Section

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Oliva Reeves Nov. 2, 2018 Following numerous requests from students doing last-minute back-to-school shopping, the UChicago Bookstore announced this week that it will add a selection of liquor to its already-expansive merchandise collection. …

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Ghosts of Friedman, Stigler Moan in 4th Circle of Hell as Ominous Trumpet Announces Entry of New Damned Soul

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Tsing Sum Lo Oct. 26, 2018   Infernal sources from the 4th Circle of Hell report that the spirits of George J. Stigler and Milton Friedman let out soul-splitting moans from their…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Man Sues the Sun for $385 Million in Cancer Settlement

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Jacob Johnson Sept. 24, 2018   In an unprecedented legal action, Bay Area resident Thomas Harshburger filed a complaint today against none other than the Sun, the well-known star orbited by planet…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Alumni Association Hastily Shuts Down DMT Garden Following Mass Vomiting, Hysterical Preaching

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nik Varley May 25, 2018 University administrators reportedly shut down the Alumni Weekend DMT Garden following reports of mass vomiting and hysterical preaching. The garden, initially intended as a relaxed environment in…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Exclusive: We Interviewed A Campus Gargoyle

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By David Manchego May 5, 2018 Hyde Park, 2018 There’s an old Irish (American) limerick that goes something like this: “There once was a gargoyle from Nantucket, then he moved to Hyde Park…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Op Ed: Who Do We Worship at Rockefeller Chapel?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Confused Prospective 1st Year April 20, 2018 When I came to campus for an “April Overnight Visit,” I was delighted to discover that the tallest building on campus is none other than…

    read more
 Older Posts
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • Automated Bobbin-Changing Equipment Threatens Job Security of 9-Year-Olds
  • Wilhelm Crashenblimpen Appointed Captain Of The Hindenburg
  • Alexander Hamilton Reviews Hamilton: “Wait, they did what?”
  • After Success Of First Novel, George Orwell Announces Publication Of “1984 2: This Time It’s Personal”
  • Stephen Cole Kleene Invents Formal Languages, Causing War
  • UChicago Admin in Panic Mode After Mysterious Disappearance of the Vitality Crystals
  • White House Rushes to Explain Correlation Not Causation Following JD Vance Pope Visit
  • Interview: Debate Over Politics Blossoms Into Lifelong Friendship
  • Citizen App Provides Notice About Hyde Park Crimes: Dog Poop on Sidewalk, Premarital Handholding
  • Harper Releases New Specialty Drinks

Chicago Shady Dealer

  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Archives

Categories

For Writers

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
© 2025 Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
Ashe Theme by WP Royal.