By Editorial Bored April 23, 2015 Okay, you got us! There’s no use hiding it, so you might as well know. What gave it away? Was it that headline up there? Well, you…

By Dan Lastres March 1, 2015 Expressing his affection for the operating system’s utilitarian design and simplistic color scheme, local father Milton Ford told reporters that he’s sticking with Windows XP for the…

By Chris Deakin Feb. 1, 2015 In a statement released this morning, roommate Charles confirmed that the deep storehouse of grocery bags located under the kitchen sink is well-stocked and will remain so…

By Evan Bernstein Dec. 31, 2014 Whom when it’s the object of a sentence, babe. Who when it’s the subject. No biggie; it’s a common mistake. Just, you know, now you know. Like…

By Chicago Shady Dealer Nov. 20, 2014 Commander of UChicago Electronic Army to Undergo Micropenis Correction Surgery Sources confirm that the anonymous commander of the UChicago Electronic Army is preparing to undergo a…

By Evan Bernstein Nov. 16, 2014 Love Child Becomes Love Adult Sources close to Jeffrey Tanenbaum report that the twenty-five-year old graduate student has completed his transformation from a child of lust to…

By Chris Deakin Oct. 24, 2014 According to joint working group of New York University neurologists and sociologists, almost 98% of men claim that they would engage in all manner of homosexual activity…

By Evan Bernstein July 23, 2014 Dear Disastrously Misapplied Nietzsche, My boyfriend won’t stop emailing with his ex. He told me that he’d stopped talking to her, but I logged on to his…

By Morgan Pantuck April 20, 2014 When I applied to college, I toured a lot of impressive campuses. But UChicago was different. More exciting, somehow. Initially, I loved the intellectual atmosphere and “quirky”…

By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 24, 2014 According to sources at the University of Chicago Humor Magazine, this one kid will just not stop suggesting articles about incest. The phenomenon began in December 2013,…