The Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Local Fatty Learns Chinese Through Fortune Cookies

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Stephen Lurie Nov. 11, 2012 Area man Jack Yarborough discovered this week an unexpected and unintended benefit to his Chinese take-out habit: learning Chinese. By his estimates, the 340-pound Mr. Yarborough must…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Romney claims he built his own teeth

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Mark Boykin Oct. 22, 2012 At a campaign stop in St. Paul, Minnesota, yesterday, presidential hopeful Mitt Romney launched into dental rhetoric in the middle of a speech on campaign finance. In…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Forget Kuvia: Here are 8 Easy Ways to Get a Free T-Shirt on Campus

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Nitkin Jan. 21, 2019 6:00 am. Tuesday, January 15, 2019. A couple hundred students rise before the sun and shuffle into Henry Crown Field House to do suspiciously cult-like “sun salutations.”…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I’m Interested in Going, Maybe: A How-To Guide on Actually Attending the Facebook Events You Say You’re Interested In

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Audrey Fromson Nov. 11, 2018 It’s 11:00 a.m. on a Saturday. Do you know that about one million events are happening around the world and that you’ve said “interested” on Facebook to…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Have You Voted Yet, You Fucking Ingrate?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By The IOP Oct. 31, 2018   Hey you scum-sucking freedom-slut, I heard you hadn’t voted yet. Have you heard the news? This is AMERICA. People died and shit so you could take…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    America’s Most European Supermarket, Indeed: Treasure Island Files for Bankruptcy

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chicago Shady Dealer News Desk Sept. 29, 2018   Treasure Island, a Hyde Park grocery store that touts itself as “America’s Most European Supermarket” took its emulation of Europe a step further…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Trump Nominates Unborn Fetus to Supreme Court

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Zachary Spitz July 3, 2018    President Trump announced his choice to replace retiring Justice Anthony Kennedy: a twelve-week-old fetus. By nominating the fetus, Mr. Trump opted to look beyond his publicized…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Chief Keef Devours Entire Chicago Rap Scene

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Robby Zissner May 25, 2018 South Side music icon Chief Keef shocked the world this Tuesday when he ate the entire Chicago rap community. Dealer sources report that the incident began when…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Reverse Caption Contest

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Shady Dealer Staff April 20, 2018 Here at the Shady Dealer, we have concrete and irrefutable evidence that the New Yorker is a high minded and low brow rag for coastal elites.…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Shake Day Moved to Medici

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Moustache McMannis Feb. 20, 2018 Medici on 57th Following the decision to move Shake Day out of Einstein Bagels and into Hutchinson Commons last quarter, the University’s administration has decided to move…

    read more
 Older Posts
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • Disgusting Mouse Cartoon Repulses Nation
  • Point: Your Country’s Science Education is Lacking; Counterpoint: WE GOT THE MOON FIRST CRY ABOUT IT
  • U.S. Declares Victory in Cold War as Bush Shellacs Gorbachev in Potato Sack Race
  • Richard Nixon Dazzles Nation With Beautiful Swimsuit Bod
  • Pigs Rooted Out of Truffle-Hunting Business by Sick New Dog Breed
  • New Statement From Hitler: “After Poland I’m Done Bro, Trust Me Bro, Deadass”
  • They wouldn’t let me into the Donner party and I am IRATE
  • Crazy New Party Drug Also Good for Surgery
  • 5 Tips to Make Sure You’re the King’s Top Mistress
  • Simone De Beauvoir Cancels Long-Awaited Sequel The Third Sex

Chicago Shady Dealer

  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Archives

Categories

For Writers

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
© 2025 Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
Ashe Theme by WP Royal.