By Daniel Moattar Aug. 10, 2014 “East Is Lake,” Says Fur-Clad Campus Tour Guide East is lake. Student-to-faculty ratio extremely low. One hundred percent of instructors have terminal degrees. On left is Reynolds…

By Evan Bernstein May 13, 2014 According to sources close to the naive second-year, Robert Kleinman is incredibly excited to begin his summer. According to information provided confidentially to The Dealer, Kleinman has…

By Isaac Krone April 20, 2014 Prominent mathematician Dr. Ernest Poyevski shocked the mathematics world yesterday when he presented a paper, to be published in Communications on Pure and Applied Mathematics, which estimates…

By Alex Dunlap Feb. 20, 2014 James G. Nondorf, the Univeristy of Chicago’s Dean of College Admissions and Financial Aid, has been appointed the first Director of Patient Admissions for the University of…

By Dan Brier Dec. 29, 2013 10. Dennis’s Friendly College 9. Yale University 8. Harvey Mudd College 7. The Sparxxx School at Cowhands’ Pass 6. University of Chicago 5. Oklahoma State University School…

By Becky Stoner Nov. 9, 2013 “It’s like you took Locks of Love and No Shave November, mashed them together in a blender on ICE setting, and came up with the charity Alopecians…

By Chris Deakin Oct. 29, 2013 Through the Ryerson Telescope (in focus) Bathroom mirror of your TA’s place In the Smart Museum, touching the Rothko In your dorm room, with the Christmas lights…

By Becky Stoner Sept. 9, 2013 This O-Week, I will: Grow: · 1 (one) inch, 3 (three) pounds Mature: · Mention the word loins during only one (1) icebreaker. Synergize: ·Curate one (1)…

By Maya Handa May 28, 2013 First-year Amelia McDonald lost her left leg, both hands, and then her head this morning after participating in her first munera—a gladiator-style fight to the death—on Eckhart…

By Woodlawn Resident April 27, 2013 I’ve been expressing strong desires for a number of things recently. I said I’d like the University to acquire and develop less than one hundred percent of…