By Sam Zoeller Jan. 4, 2016 Montclair, New Jersey – Amelia Peterson, a first year at The College, has received several stern looks from high school acquaintances after following random groups of girls…

By Alan Rogers Dec. 31, 2015 The wind in my hair, the dewy sheen of sweat upon my forehead, the screams of pedestrians… Ah, yes. My name is Alan Rogers and I love…

By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2015 I’ve let this go on for long enough, Pat. I know you’re just jacking off in your room. I’m not buying the “sexile” routine again. You really…

By Ryan Fleishman Oct. 31, 2015 After nearly 60 years of exploration into the boundless annals of space, the world is ready to move on to the deeper mysteries of life, namely those…

By Chase Harrison Oct. 16, 2015 1. A Sex Dungeon: Thanks to generous funding from the Uncommon Fund, RACK, UChicago’s BDSM Club, there is now a fully equipped sex dungeon in the basement…

By Milena Pross Aug. 9, 2015 I’m not normally one to write a review, but I feel it’s my civic duty to warn my fellow students about a plague upon the House Systemhousing…

By Morgan Pantuck July 22, 2015 The international community expressed widespread alarm this weekend as Vadimar PuginIvan Ivankov, the current Condom Czar of Hitchcock House, mobilized his condom army and began a military…

By Dan Lastres May 26, 2015 A crack team of scientists, sociologists, and journalists from the University of Chicago recently have published a report definitively showing that you won’t finish this article because…

By Morgan Pantuck April 23, 2015 I’ll be honest—I’ve never really been a “girly girl.” When other teens were figuring out high heels and accessories, I was belching loudly and watching NASCAR. Actually,…

By Barry March 1, 2015 Guys, sex is like pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. You know what I mean? Every time I’ve had sex in the past, I was…