By Walker King Feb. 22, 2016 I was going through my old boxes of high school things the other day when I came across an old mixtape. , https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1v2eMiNl1Tz2W6w0n-ha43XrxxsRrzWw_OiK_ola-s6w/edit?usp=sharingRRachel, mMmy high school girlfriend,…

By Jacob Levin Feb. 16, 2016 According to sources close to the Shady Dealer, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg sent out a mass email this Sunday to over 100 of her colleagues…

By Adam Lowinger Jan. 22, 2016 After rigorous pseudo-investigation of natural phenomena, physicians around the European continent are excited to report the discovery of a fifth humor: ectoplasm. The discovery of this humor…

By Sam Zoeller Jan. 4, 2016 Montclair, New Jersey – Amelia Peterson, a first year at The College, has received several stern looks from high school acquaintances after following random groups of girls…

By Ryan Fleishman Dec. 1, 2015 After all classes and activities aton thethe entire University of Chicago‘s Hyde Park campus wereas cancelled and the campus putput on lockdown due to a terrorist threat…

By Nik Varley Nov. 12, 2015 Hey, honey. What I have to say isn’t easy, but it’s important, and I honestly can’t live with it any longer. It breaks my heart to see…

By Ryan Fleishman Oct. 31, 2015 After nearly 60 years of exploration into the boundless annals of space, the world is ready to move on to the deeper mysteries of life, namely those…

By Chase Harrison Oct. 16, 2015 1. A Sex Dungeon: Thanks to generous funding from the Uncommon Fund, RACK, UChicago’s BDSM Club, there is now a fully equipped sex dungeon in the basement…

By Milena Pross Aug. 9, 2015 I’m not normally one to write a review, but I feel it’s my civic duty to warn my fellow students about a plague upon the House Systemhousing…

By Morgan Pantuck July 22, 2015 The international community expressed widespread alarm this weekend as Vadimar PuginIvan Ivankov, the current Condom Czar of Hitchcock House, mobilized his condom army and began a military…