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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    The Chicago Shady Dealer’s Day-After-Father’s-Day Gift Guide

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By The News Desk June 18, 2018 Happy Father’s Day! Forgot to get your dad a Father’s Day gift? Forgot that Father’s Day was yesterday? Well, if you’re a shitty child, the Chicago…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Best Seller! Dean Boyer’s Book Just Sold its 100th Copy

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Lastres – Hyde Park, 2085 May 5, 2018 Roughly 70 years after it was first published, The University of Chicago: A History has sold its 100th copy and is well on…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Letter from the Editors: Please Buy Us Sinclair Broadcast Group

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Lastres and Milena Pross April 20, 2018 To the lovely people, responsible journalists, and concerned citizens of the Sinclair Broadcast Group: We understand that your organization is working tirelessly to acquire…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    UCPD Unveils New Patrol Zeppelin

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Thomas Noriega Feb. 20, 2018   In an effort to expand police coverage across the greater South Side, the University of Chicago Police Department has invested $12 million in a state-of-the-art patrol…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    3 Step DIY Cathey Face Mask

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By David North Feb. 11, 2018 Why spend money on expensive face masks that leave your skin feeling dry and damaged or waste time in your busy college schedule going to a salon,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Reincarnation of Vincent Van Gogh Rips other ear off during SOSC seminar

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Tsijiari Ararey Oct. 17, 2017 After months of Frankenstein reruns, two liters of ammonium nitrate, and something to do withstem cells, the department of philosophy was able to reincarnate the remains of…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Lanyard Fuses into First-Year’s Neck

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison Oct. 17, 2017 He is hard to miss on the quad. Goofy smile. Gigantic backpack. And a maroon lanyard with an attached plastic ID case bouncing off of his chest.…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Surviving First Year in a Post Pratt-Faris Separation World

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Greer Baxter Aug. 18, 2017 It was daunting enough handling first year at UChicago during the magical era of romantic idealism made possible bywhenile it was still possible to onecould still bask…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Dean Ellison Screams as Scav Participants Rip out His Still-Beating Heart

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Dan Lastres May 15, 2017 Dean Ellison Screams as Scav Participants Rip out his Still-beating Heart Mother’s Day Weekend took a turn for the worse on Sundayaturday evening, as Scav participants jumped…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Grounds of Being Proved Logically Inconsistent

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Thomas Noriega April 21, 2017 Grounds of Being Proved Logically InconsistentBy Thomas Noriega Earlier today, students were shocked and saddened to learn thatTragic news today as Grounds of Being, the popular cash-only…

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  • Bridge Between Quad and Reg Somehow Collapses Despite Being Solid Road
  • “Back to Basics” Aims of Education Address Stresses, Shapes, Counting

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