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Bookstore Adds Hard Liquor to School Supply Section
By Oliva Reeves Nov. 2, 2018 Following numerous requests from students doing last-minute back-to-school shopping, the UChicago Bookstore announced this week that it will add a selection of liquor to its already-expansive merchandise collection. …
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Ghosts of Friedman, Stigler Moan in 4th Circle of Hell as Ominous Trumpet Announces Entry of New Damned Soul
By Tsing Sum Lo Oct. 26, 2018 Infernal sources from the 4th Circle of Hell report that the spirits of George J. Stigler and Milton Friedman let out soul-splitting moans from their…
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Man Sues the Sun for $385 Million in Cancer Settlement
By Jacob Johnson Sept. 24, 2018 In an unprecedented legal action, Bay Area resident Thomas Harshburger filed a complaint today against none other than the Sun, the well-known star orbited by planet…
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Alumni Association Hastily Shuts Down DMT Garden Following Mass Vomiting, Hysterical Preaching
By Nik Varley May 25, 2018 University administrators reportedly shut down the Alumni Weekend DMT Garden following reports of mass vomiting and hysterical preaching. The garden, initially intended as a relaxed environment in…
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Exclusive: We Interviewed A Campus Gargoyle
By David Manchego May 5, 2018 Hyde Park, 2018 There’s an old Irish (American) limerick that goes something like this: “There once was a gargoyle from Nantucket, then he moved to Hyde Park…
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Op Ed: Who Do We Worship at Rockefeller Chapel?
By Confused Prospective 1st Year April 20, 2018 When I came to campus for an “April Overnight Visit,” I was delighted to discover that the tallest building on campus is none other than…
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Cum-Stained David Lynch Posters Spotted Behind Doc Films
By Nik Varley Feb. 20, 2018 At approximately 11:30 p.m., The Shady Dealer received a tip claiming that there is an enormous pile of visibly-stained David Lynch posters outside the Doc Films office…
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Horoscopes: Marxist Tattoo Edition
By Ella Hester Jan. 29, 2018 Ready to show off your everlasting love for your SOSC buddy, Marx? Here’s your guide to picking the commie tattoo that best represents you! Aries: Adam Smith’s…
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Letters from the Editors
By Dan Lastres & Milena Pross Oct. 17, 2017 Dear Dan, How are you? My first few weeks of class have been good but stressful. At first I took four classes, but now…
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Why We Won’t Be Accepting the Nobel Prize for Truth-Telling
By Editorial Board of The Chicago Shady Dealer Oct. 12, 2017 The Chicago Shady Dealer is honored to have been awarded the illustrious Nobel Prize in Truth-Telling. In these dark times when truth…
