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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Senior Class Gift

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Jack Hoff and Jill Ng Feb. 22, 2017 Dear Class of 2017, We know you’re all anxious to step over the threshold of college and into the bedroom of life, ready to…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I Should Really Get Into This Housing Market

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ryan Fleishman, 2008 Feb. 5, 2017 I Should Really Get Into This Housing MarketAfter saving every extra penny I could make over the last 40 years of my life, I believe it…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Opinion: Reconstruction Will Provide Substantive, Lasting Progress

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nico Aldape, 1866 Jan. 27, 2017 Opinion: Reconstruction Will Provide Substantive, Lasting ProgressAt last! The war that nearly tore apart this nearly century-old republic has passed. We can finally repair the scorched…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    An Excerpt from the Syllabus for the New “David Foster Wallace Circle Jerk” HUM Section

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Antonia Salisbury Jan. 9, 2017 “This is water. Don’t worry I am not the wise old fish who is going try and explain to you why David Foster Wallace is both embarrassing…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Move Over Fruitcake! People have a lot of questions about Soda Bread

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Dan Lastres Nov. 15, 2016 The holidays are here, and you already know that at this year’s party, somebody is going to bring that tangy tough nightmare in your mouth we all…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Since I Feel Comfortable Speaking Freely at This University, Here Are a Few Unpopular Opinions About Mad Men

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2016 UChicago is known worldwide as a paragon of free expression. I can’t imagine myself being as comfortable with speaking my mind about Mad Men anywhere other than…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “Noodles” Exposed: What’s Really on the ‘Etc.’ Menu Will Shock You

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By David Marques Oct. 17, 2016 Noodles Etc:tc. A beloved 57th Street staple, modestly priced pan-Asian eatery, and a hell of a lot closer than that other Thai place., wWe’ve all eaten our…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    A New Approach to Love: This New Dating App Allows You to Connect With People in your SOSC Class

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Ruttenberg Oct. 12, 2016 Well, dating just got a whole lot easier! :). Dating apps like Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel have made it a lot easier to find your special…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Point: All My Feelings Are Valid

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Morgan Pantuck Aug. 21, 2016 We live in an overwhelmingly patriarchal society. The male experience is considered standard and objective, while women are viewed as incomplete or deviant forms of men. For…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    New Admissions Flowchart Announced

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Morgan Pantuck July 7, 2016 In addition to Regular Decision and Early Action, the University of Chicago recently decided to add Early Decision 1 and 2 to it’s list of application options.…

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Read It and Weep

  • Point: Your Country’s Science Education is Lacking; Counterpoint: WE GOT THE MOON FIRST CRY ABOUT IT
  • U.S. Declares Victory in Cold War as Bush Shellacs Gorbachev in Potato Sack Race
  • Richard Nixon Dazzles Nation With Beautiful Swimsuit Bod
  • Pigs Rooted Out of Truffle-Hunting Business by Sick New Dog Breed
  • New Statement From Hitler: “After Poland I’m Done Bro, Trust Me Bro, Deadass”
  • They wouldn’t let me into the Donner party and I am IRATE
  • Crazy New Party Drug Also Good for Surgery
  • 5 Tips to Make Sure You’re the King’s Top Mistress
  • Simone De Beauvoir Cancels Long-Awaited Sequel The Third Sex
  • Union Army Morale Skyrockets After President Lincoln’s Stunning Kazoo Solo

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