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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Student to Spend Quarter Abroad in Shondaland

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison Dec. 31, 2015 While other UChicago students will be traveling to Paris, Beijing, and Oaxaca in the winter quarter, third-year Junior Kelsey Shippman will be immersing herself in perhaps the…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Thanksgiving Turkey Pardoned by Obama Passes Sixth year in Guantanamo

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Grace Quigley Nov. 15, 2015 In a surprisingcurious turn of events, the turkey pardoned by President Obama before Thanksgiving of 2009 has passed its sixth year at the detention camp in Guantanamo…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    10 Republicans You Didn’t Realize are Still Running for President

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chase Harrison Nov. 9, 2015 1. Bobby Jindal Jindal’s intense fiscal conservatism has not sparked Republican voters interest. Despite strong statements on immigration, Jindal remains a non-factor in the race. 2. “Papa”…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I Heard Our Football Team Might Actually be Pretty Good This Year

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Jacob Levin- Sports Editor Oct. 20, 2015 I know what you’re thinking. This is the University of Chicago, a school better known for its rigorous academics, storied traditions, and wild frat parties…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Donor offers 500 million to rename House Fuck

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Zoe Kaiser Oct. 8, 2015 A donor, who has elected to remain anonymous, has offered the University of Chicago 500 million dollars to rename one of the houses being moved to North…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    The Shady Dealer’s Guide to Rationalizing Housecest

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Teddy Zamborsky Aug. 1, 2015 Being the incredibly sexy people we are, Dealer writers are uniquely equipped to guide you through the perilous journey of your first college romance. So here is…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Youth Wastes First Wet Dream on Mrs. MacNeilson

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Dan Lastres May 26, 2015 Tuesday- LocalCHICAGO—Area pre-teenager Alex Sanderson had been anticipating his first unconscious orgasm since he first heard his older brother, Jacobke Sanderson, soil the sheets of thehis bottom…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Does the Color of the Dress Matter in Post-Racial America?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Mary Vansuch April 25, 2015 Every Friday night is ladies’ night, and last night I happened to give my bestie a call before we went out. I told her I was having…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Top 5 Ways to Meet People on TransLoc

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Milena Pross March 1, 2015 In today’s world, all relationships start online. The days of meeting someone at a café and getting married later that week are over. But how does one…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Prayer/Counter Prayer: The World is Flat

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Militides, son of Lycurgus/ The Pantheon Feb. 1, 2015 Prayer: The World is Flat. By Militides, son of Lycurgus Oh Lords of the earth and sky, dwellers of the shimmering heavens and…

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