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You Really Fucked Up This Time, Seward
By Chase Harrison, 1867 Jan. 22, 2016 I’ve seen a lot of follies on my time on this planet, but this is the folly to end all follies. What in God’s name were…
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Post-Apocalyptic Life Not So Bad
By Charlotte Rieder, 2075 Jan. 22, 2016 “CHICAGO, IL”—Oobserving the not-quite-bleak landscape in front of him, Mark Ackerman, a survivor of The Disaster, reported that life in the Territory—formerly known as the United…
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My Son is Going to Love This Meme I Posted on his Facebook Wall
By Mr. Z, Ted’s Cool Dad Dec. 31, 2015 When you spend a lot of time with your kids, you start to get an idea of what makes them tick. My son Ted,…
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Point/Counterpoint: Is Everything Going to be Okay?
By Heather Barry Nov. 19, 2015 Point: Everything is Fine EPoint: Everything Is FineYesEverything is By Morgan Pantuck’s RationalityHeather Barry It is my strong belief that, at this moment in time, everything is…
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Economics Lecturer Alan Sanderson falls for the ol’ “PhD Under a Box Propped Up by a Stick” Trick
By Reed Thurston Nov. 11, 2015 Eyewitness reports confirmed recently that Alan Sanderson, senior Economics lecturer for the University of Chicago, was trapped underneath an upturned carboard box on the northeast corner of…
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Introvert Redefines Meaning of “Solo” Cup
By Dan Lastres Oct. 22, 2015 On Friday night, local introvert Tim Jericho took a major step forward for introverts everywhere when he poured himself a rum and lemonade in the comfort of…
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I am Thankful for my Liberal Arts Education
By Katie Zellner Oct. 12, 2015 Since the dawn of man, there has been debate about the value of a liberal arts education and, as a University of Chicago alumnus, I just want…
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Other things you can Add/Drop
By Willamina Groething Aug. 1, 2015 Study: Students Are Add-Dropping More Than Their ClassesThe Chicago Shady Dealer interviewed 230 students in the college to find out what they’ve add/dropped beside Honors Physics, and…
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Anyone You Don’t See Right Now Might Be Dead
By Evan Bernstein May 26, 2015 Look around you. Are there people? Are they alive? Cool. That’s all you know, though. Anyone who isn’t in your immediate field of vision right at this…
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Real Man Speaks: Telling My Girlfriend To Calm Down Works Literally Every Time
By Lucas Chen April 27, 2015 Women can be very emotional. I recently read a New York Times article that claimed that women’s emotions are an asset, not a liability. But when it’s…
