By Matthew Goldenberg April 17, 2013 In a shocking spike in the local crime rate, police officials have reported that nearly all 5,000 undergraduate students at the University of Chicago were mugged or…

By Mark Sands Feb. 11, 2013 The Chicago Shady Dealer has obtained an early version of the address that President Obama will deliver tonight in his much-anticipated State of the Union Address. We…

By Peter Berkowitz Jan. 13, 2013 After years of dwindling attendance at the quarterly “Coffee and Doughnuts with President Zimmer,” Student Government held its first “Coffee and Doughnuts without President Zimmer” this past…

By Matt Montequin Nov. 13, 2012 President Robert Zimmer took to Midway Plaisance on Wednesday for the annual Presidential T?urducken Pardon, surprising onlookers when he chose to spare not one, but two turduckens…

By Maya Handa Oct. 30, 2012 Presidential candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney and running mate Paul “Something Folksy” Ryan announced yesterday in a consensual press conference that they were deeply disturbed to have discovered…

Chicago, 1997 In breaking news, the Shady Dealer is sorry to report the death of Dean Boyer’s Tamagotchi Habsburg, also known as “Habsy”. Habsy was in the “Teen” stage of the Tamagotchi Life…

By Sophia Lubarr Feb. 20, 2019          Karl Lagerfeld, legendary Chanel director and force unto himself, passed away today at a very fashionable and critically acclaimed 85.   A source…

By Sylvia Ebenbach Dec. 5, 2018 Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have already begun their move to the cold, dreary city of Chicago and have chosen an optimal location that fully embodies the weather:…

By Harry Weinstein Nov. 2, 2018 Claiming that he lives independently from social media these days, 39 year-old local resident Matt Dewey said it’s been “pretty freeing to just be here, in the…

By Breck Radulovic Oct. 22, 2018   To the University of Chicago community, We at Quizlet would like to express our deepest apologies for the vile content hosted on our site in recent…