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Pierce Students Remain While Deconstruction Begins
By Matthew Goldenberg Dec. 17, 2012 The University of Chicago began the first phase of its new North Campus plan this Thursday, commencing the demolition of Pierce Tower. Residents of Pierce will remain…
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Studying Student Shares Intimate Vertical Moment With Mansueto Window Washer
By Chris Deakin Nov. 7, 2012 This Tuesday, at 10:45 a.m., a true and vertical bond was formed between second-year College student Ralph Stevenson and two-year Mansueto window-washing veteran Mike Howard.Time stood still…
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Aaron Sorkin Launches New Show: ‘Aaron Sorkin’
By Daniel Betancourt Oct. 16, 2012 NEW YORK, N.Y. — Academy Award-winning screenwriter Aaron Sorkin announced last week the launch of his new television, Aaron Sorkin, to air Fridays on NBC in the…
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77-Year-Old Sanders Announces Measured Walk for Presidency
By John Buterbaugh Feb. 23, 2019 In what could only be described as a “spirited” address to (commie) Vermont Public Radio, Independent Senator Bernie Sanders announced that, after considering it with his wife…
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I Just Wanna Find Someone to Have the Lady and the Tramp Kiss With, But With a Line of Blow Instead of Spaghetti
By Nico Aldape Dec. 5, 2018 Ah yes, the shining moment in one of the best of Disney’s nineties Golden Age films, a breaking down of class barriers between rascally mutts and elegant Cocker…
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Mother Nature Divorces Mankind, Seeks Custody of the Moon
By John Logan Buterbaugh Nov. 2, 2018 In a move right out of your childhood, Mother Nature ended her 300,000 year old relationship with Mankind following the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change’s shocking…
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Blue Chips Disbands to Better Maintain Its Exclusivity
By Rahul Gupta Oct. 26, 2018 In the logical conclusion of a prolonged struggle over the core values of the University of Chicago, the Blue Chips announced their dissolution late last week. The heads…
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Humanitarian of the Year Will Show Dining Staff Respect, Courtesy Until Second Week
By Andy Hatem Sept. 24, 2018 Some start work before the sun is up. Others don’t leave until well past midnight. The work isn’t easy; staff are always on their feet, and…
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A Farewell Letter
By The Editors May 25, 2018 Dearest Reader(s), Over the past year, we have had the humbling, back-breaking honor of serving as Editors-in-Chief for the Chicago Shady Dealer, and we want…
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Association of Giant Tentacle Monsters Refuse To Believe They Evolved From Humans
By Ryan Fleishman May 5, 2018 Terra, 3708 Following the Council Of the Wise’s decision to introduce evolution into breeding pod curriculum, the Association of Giant Tentacle Monsters has formally announced their refusal to acknowledge…
