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Horribly Misguided Sign Tells Drivers To “Stop”
By Ryan Fleishman May 13, 2016 Having driven along Wabash AvenueCrabapple Road multiple times in the last 2 weeks, residents of Chicago have unhappily realized that some absurd new sign in the road…
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Canadians Glad Justin Trudeau Distracts from their Small Population and Cold Climate
By Nico Aldape April 23, 2016 Though he has been in office for over five months now, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau continues to make waves through his embrace of social change and…
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Reflections on a Mixtape from my High School Girlfriend
By Walker King Feb. 22, 2016 I was going through my old boxes of high school things the other day when I came across an old mixtape. , https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1v2eMiNl1Tz2W6w0n-ha43XrxxsRrzWw_OiK_ola-s6w/edit?usp=sharingRRachel, mMmy high school girlfriend,…
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Desperate Ruth Bader Ginsburg Asks If Anyone Interested in Joining a Fantasy Baseball League on Short Notice
By Jacob Levin Feb. 16, 2016 According to sources close to the Shady Dealer, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg sent out a mass email this Sunday to over 100 of her colleagues…
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Discovery of Fifth Humor Revolutionizes Natural Sciences
By Adam Lowinger Jan. 22, 2016 After rigorous pseudo-investigation of natural phenomena, physicians around the European continent are excited to report the discovery of a fifth humor: ectoplasm. The discovery of this humor…
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Digital Age makes it Harder to Lie about High School Glory
By Sam Zoeller Jan. 4, 2016 Montclair, New Jersey – Amelia Peterson, a first year at The College, has received several stern looks from high school acquaintances after following random groups of girls…
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A Five-Star Review of Riding my Bike on the Sidewalk
By Alan Rogers Dec. 31, 2015 The wind in my hair, the dewy sheen of sweat upon my forehead, the screams of pedestrians… Ah, yes. My name is Alan Rogers and I love…
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Opinion: Stop Sexiling Me so You Can Masturbate
By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2015 I’ve let this go on for long enough, Pat. I know you’re just jacking off in your room. I’m not buying the “sexile” routine again. You really…
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Excerpts from Ayn Rand’s Final Hum Paper
By John Veillette Oct. 31, 2015 In Genesis, the God character, who is of course just a character because a divine being is a fiction for those too weak to face the realities…
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Economics Major Enlightens Bernie Sanders
By Mary Vansuch Oct. 16, 2015 Yesterday, Bret Whitefish was just another second-year economics major. Today, however, he became a national American hero. Feeling sorry for Senator Bernie Sanders’ economic ignorance, the second-year…
