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Op-Ed: I Was in the Pool!
By George Washington, 1789 Feb. 2, 2017 Look, I know my monument might be a little … underwhelming. Being the first president and all, I know you you guys probably expected the monument…
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Point/Counterpoint: Is Everything Going to be Okay?
By Heather Barry Nov. 19, 2015 Point: Everything is Fine EPoint: Everything Is FineYesEverything is By Morgan Pantuck’s RationalityHeather Barry It is my strong belief that, at this moment in time, everything is…
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Nondorf Appointed Director of UCMC Patient Admissions
By Alex Dunlap Feb. 20, 2014 James G. Nondorf, the Univeristy of Chicago’s Dean of College Admissions and Financial Aid, has been appointed the first Director of Patient Admissions for the University of…
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New Residence Hall Located in Dean Boyer’s Tender Embrace
By Thomas Noriega Sept. 24, 2018 In response to the recent housing crisis at the University, College Housing has announced that, as of the 2018-2019 school year, students may apply to live…
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Tragedy Strikes! Area Woman Gouges Chapstick with Chapstick Cap
By Willamina Groething Nov. 15, 2016 Sources confirmed Saturday evening that area woman Megan McMahon drove the cap of her Burt’s Bees Vanilla Bean Moisturizing Lip Balm into the vanilla bean moisturizing lip…
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Rattling Radiator Actually Maintenance Worker Trapped in Wall
By Grace Quigley Oct. 11, 2015 The search for Leo Fox ended late Thursday evening when the 43-year-old was found inside the wall of Maclean residence hall behind what was previously thought to…
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Chances of Asteroid-Earth Romance are Astronomically Small
By James Ekstrom Oct. 27, 2013 Asteromance experts around the world agree that area asteroid 40670 has little to no chance of success in its recent romantic advances toward the planet Earth. While…
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The Shady Dealer’s Must-Take Classes of Summer 2018
By Deblina Mukherjee April 20, 2018 1. Dystopia, Utopia, Australia (NELC 69300) The scope of the honors section is the same as the standard section, but it covers material at greater depth and…
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Climate Study Finds Place With Highest Temperature Extremes Hot Pocket in Lab Microwave
By Nico Aldape Oct. 10, 2016 After reaching the scientific conclusion that “this doesn’t look anything like the one on the box,” a University of Chicago Department of Geophysical Sciences study has found…
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Does the Color of the Dress Matter in Post-Racial America?
By Mary Vansuch April 25, 2015 Every Friday night is ladies’ night, and last night I happened to give my bestie a call before we went out. I told her I was having…
