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North Korea Can’t Launch Missiles, But You Can’t Even Pull a B-Minus In SOSC
By Nik Varley April 20, 2017 North Korea Can’t Launch Missiles, But You Can’t Even Pull a B-Minus In SOSC Following North Korea’s disastrous missile launch last week, experts have agreed that the…
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Iowa Caucus Thrusts Itself into Tight Campaign
By Zachary Spitz Feb. 2, 2016 On Monday, after months of vigorous campaigning across the state of Iowa, Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas wascame out on the receiving end of a massive caucus.…
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Classifieds
By Matthew Goldenberg and Morgan Pantuck Oct. 21, 2014 “Lab” partner wanted Looking to experiment with girls. Must have significant biology and chemistry background, advanced laboratory skills, a research portfolio, and huge ol’…
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Review: Eating an Entire Jar of Nutella in One Sitting
By Calpernia Higginbotham Dec. 5, 2018 You’ve done it. Everyone’s gone for the day—for classes, whatever that means. No one around, no one to bother you. You’ve got the apartment all to yourself.…
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Former President Obama Dedicates New Tomb of the Unknown Drone
By Dan Lastres Feb. 5, 2017 Arlington, VA 2023- Former President Obama attended a ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery today, dedicating the newly built Tomb of the Unknown Drone. The mood was somber…
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Top 5 Places to Fuck in the Reg
By Willamina Groething Nov. 20, 2015 On top of Mansueto:: Ggo ahead,. fFuck really hard. The glass can take it. A Level: Tthe white boards can take it, too. The counter of Ex…
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Boyer to Reopen Anatomy Department in His Basement
By Walker King Feb. 22, 2014 Speaking to members of the press yesterday,University Dean John Boyer announced that the University of Chicago would be reopening its anatomy department in the basement of Boyer’s…
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Don’t Miss This Deal! Housing Offers Three Roommates for the Price of One
By Andy Hatem Sept. 24, 2018 Trying to decide if you should stay in housing next year? Check College Housing’s site for a deal you won’t want to miss! In the past,…
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Opinion: Non-Biology Students Should Get to Do Dissections Too
By Milena Pross Nov. 15, 2016 I was recently informed that many students, specifically biological science majors, are frequently given the opportunity to wear gloves and dissect hearts, brains, eyes, and other organs…
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Bernie Sanders Accidentally Sits in Audience during Democratic Debate
By Ashwin Rao Oct. 12, 2015 Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was mysteriously missing from the stage at the first Democratic Presidential Primary Debate. The debate began with a camera pan to reveal that…
