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My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It
By Greer Baxter May 14, 2017 My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It Every single student…
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February Prospie Not Present at April Overnight
By Adam Lowinger April 20, 2017 February Prospie Not present at April Overnight Sources within the University of Chicago have confirmed that February overnight attendee Stewart Lawson was not present for either of…
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Study from Center for Practical Wisdom Asserts, “This Was a Complete Waste of Money”
By Dan Lastres March 25, 2017 AA report published by the University of Chicago’s Center for Ppractical Wwisdom declares that the Center for Practical Wisdom is “a complete waste of money.” After considering…
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Senior Class Gift
By Jack Hoff and Jill Ng Feb. 22, 2017 Dear Class of 2017, We know you’re all anxious to step over the threshold of college and into the bedroom of life, ready to…
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I Should Really Get Into This Housing Market
By Ryan Fleishman, 2008 Feb. 5, 2017 I Should Really Get Into This Housing MarketAfter saving every extra penny I could make over the last 40 years of my life, I believe it…
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Opinion: Reconstruction Will Provide Substantive, Lasting Progress
By Nico Aldape, 1866 Jan. 27, 2017 Opinion: Reconstruction Will Provide Substantive, Lasting ProgressAt last! The war that nearly tore apart this nearly century-old republic has passed. We can finally repair the scorched…
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An Excerpt from the Syllabus for the New “David Foster Wallace Circle Jerk” HUM Section
By Antonia Salisbury Jan. 9, 2017 “This is water. Don’t worry I am not the wise old fish who is going try and explain to you why David Foster Wallace is both embarrassing…
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Opinion: Non-Biology Students Should Get to Do Dissections Too
By Milena Pross Nov. 15, 2016 I was recently informed that many students, specifically biological science majors, are frequently given the opportunity to wear gloves and dissect hearts, brains, eyes, and other organs…
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Am I Happy in this Relationship or Am I Just Passing Math?
By Baunnee Martinez Nov. 12, 2016 The soft, silky sheet. The streaks of gray that flutter across the page. The brush of the red pen on the the top corner of the calculus…
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New in Literature: Fifty Shades of Maroon, a Glimpse into the Secret Life of Dean John W. Boyer
By M.E.M.E. Oct. 17, 2016 When a third3rd year Shady Dealer reporter goes to interview American historian and Dean of the College at the University of Chicago, John W. Boyer, he encounters a…
