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UC Leaks: Robot Under Mansueto Lonely, Depressed
By Alex Morales Aug. 25, 2017 A report titled “Final Overview: Mansueto Systems Anomalies” details a long string of investigations and investments whereinthat were the administration attempteding to restore normal function to the…
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The Wiggles Pull Music from Spotify in Show of Solidarity with Taylor Swift
By Jacob Levin April 23, 2016 In a public announcement Monday, The Wiggles announced that they have decided to remove all of their music from Spotify to show solidarity with Taylor Swift and…
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Uber Driver Crosses into Non-Delightful Racism
By Si Squires-Kasten Nov. 26, 2014 During a ride Thursday morning to Logan International Airport, Uber driver Travis Murphy moved without warning from lighthearted racial observations into what several sources confirms was “flat…
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I Have Never Seen a Horse
By Jake Frisch Nov. 11, 2012 Its not like I dont know what they are, Im not an idiot. Ive just never seen a horse. No, not even a picture. People keep saying,…
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Undertaker Undertakes Undertaking Undertaking
By Thomas Noriega April 17, 2017 Undertaker Undertakes Undertaking UndertakingBy Thomas Noriega April 2nd, 2017. We all saw it. We all felt it. Roman Reigns pinned The Undertaker after a grueling half-hour match.…
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10 Year Occupation Fails to Find Evidence of Helen in Troy
By Jason of Thebes Jan. 22, 2016 Early yesterday morning, a devout of Pheme, having climbed the mast of one of Agamemnon’s ships, was heard shouting, certain statements directly contradictory to many of…
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First year refers to Everything as “The Quad”
By Evan Bernstein July 23, 2014 CHICAGO – According to sources familiar with the semantic controversy, University of Chicago first-year Jacob Brinkler has been referring to various campus buildings, outdoor sites, and even…
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“Is he the one who did 9/11?” say Nation’s High Schoolers Following George H. W. Bush Memorial
By Christian Villanueva Dec. 4, 2018 On November 30, 2018, former president George H.W. Bush passed away in Houston, Texas at the age of 94. While millions across the nation mourned the death…
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Exclusive: The Negotiation Over the Wall
By Adam Lowinger Feb. 1, 2017 Of all of President Trump’s campaign promises, the most talked about is his proposed border wall with Mexico. However, Trump’s promise that Mexico will pay for the…
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US News Releases Rankings of Most Prestigious Prisons
By Nik Varley Nov. 12, 2015 Earlier this week, US News and World Report released their annual rankings of the nation’s most prestigious prisons. The 5 top top 5 ranked prisons have been…
