By Milena Pross Jan. 30, 2018 Meat, cheese, eggs, gummy bears, honey, gummy bear-shaped jars of honey: these are just a few common food items that are not considered “vegan” by the masses.…

By Student Health Services Oct. 17, 2017 Don’t catch feels this quarter! Autumn has officially arrived, which means it’s time for everyone to get their annual feels vaccine. The CDC estimates that on…

By Thomas Noriega Oct. 17, 2017 5 Things your roommate plugged into the wall that you just don’t understandBy Thomas Noriega1. The Glow-Box: During the day, it’s just another box plugged into your…

By Greer Baxter Aug. 18, 2017 In partnership with the University of Nome, scientists from UofChicago have recently concluded a series of canine sleep experiments, the results of which confirmed what many had…

By Dan Lastres May 15, 2017 Distressed President Zimmer forcibly removed from O’Hare airport for soliciting donations An arrest report released today by the Chicago Police Department confirmed that University President Robert J.…

By Nik Varley April 20, 2017 North Korea Can’t Launch Missiles, But You Can’t Even Pull a B-Minus In SOSC Following North Korea’s disastrous missile launch last week, experts have agreed that the…

By Ryan Fleishman March 27, 2017 President Trump and his administration have conducted a veritable campaign of fear across American politics over the first three months of his presidency. Many people and celebrities…

By Ryan Fleishman Feb. 25, 2017 Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Loses Wrestling Match To James “The Paper” ThompsonAfter a grueling No Holds Barred title match for the WWE World Intercontinental Championship Belt, Dwayne…

By 18th Amendment, 1933 Feb. 5, 2017 P: 18th Ammendment: You’re Drunk Jesus Christ, 21st Amendment, you’re drunk. I told you that buying a handle of whiskey was a bad idea. How are…

By Dan Lastres, Stockholm, 1911 Jan. 30, 2017 The wife of celebrated chemist Pierre Curie was awarded a Nobel Prize for her discovery of two elements: Polonium 209 and Radium 223. Though Pierre…