By Marlin Figgins Dec. 8, 2016 For the uninitiated, in most every household in the United States, the real star of any family meal is the chitterlings. Those sweet, foul-smelling pig parts could…

By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 19, 2015 According to eyewitness reports, area flu-victim Walter Atkins was forced to re-evaluate the feasibility of continuing to blow his nose into a tissue that he had already…

By Alex Foster Nov. 9, 2013 Vyom Khan, a second-year in the College, was declared winner of the Institute of Politics on Tuesday when he successfully caressed David Axelrod’scalf during that afternoon’s Fellows…

By Dealer News Desk April 25, 2018 Summer Breeze In a surprise twist, UChicago’s Major Activities Board has announced that its annual Summer Breeze Concert will be headlined by a two-hour phone call…

By Milena Pross Oct. 13, 2016 Last year, campus was torn apart by a divisive and polarizing referendum. Critics have referred to it as “Pre-Brexit Brexit” and “The War Between the States Between…

By Ryan Fleishman May 26, 2015 Last Tuesday, as the final phase in her Let’s Move! program to promote health and fitness among American youth, First Lady Michelle Obama officially released a large…

By James Ekstrom May 27, 2013 Last Wednesday began like any other spring day on the Quads. Frisbees were being thrown, classes were being conducted in the grass, and the sun’s rays were…

By Reed Thurston Oct. 18, 2017 Listen: Forget everything you thought you knew about dumplings until now. Coming this month to rock the foodie scene in Hyde Park is PACKED, a new kind…

By Jacob Levin May 14, 2016 According to sources close to the Shady Dealer, people of the Vincent House lounge silently and unanimously voted to say nothing about the massive fart unleashed by…

By Willamina Groething Feb. 1, 2015 WESTMALLE 8th of November in the Year of our Lord 1512 In what was termed a “demoralizing defeat,” the Belgian La-Cross team from the Abdij van Onze-Lieve-Vrouw…