-
Why We Won’t Be Accepting the Nobel Prize for Truth-Telling
By Editorial Board of The Chicago Shady Dealer Oct. 12, 2017 The Chicago Shady Dealer is honored to have been awarded the illustrious Nobel Prize in Truth-Telling. In these dark times when truth…
-
Tragedy! Area Student Finishes Her Drink Before the Rest of Her Meal
By Nik Varley April 26, 2016 In an event that can only be described as a tragedy, area student Sarah McDowell finished her drink while she was only halfway through her meal. The…
-
Butterball Hotline Questions
By Teddy Zamborsky Nov. 28, 2014 Today the Dealer spoke with our source at the Butterball Hotline, the nation’s premier phone based holiday help-line. They shared with us the questions they receive most…
-
New Optimus Parm food truck sells Italian food, fights crime
By Daniel Moattar Nov. 12, 2012 In recent days, Hyde Park’s food truck craze has taken on a new dimension: the endless war against evil. A new red-and-blue cart can be found sitting…
-
Economics Lecturer Alan Sanderson falls for the ol’ “PhD Under a Box Propped Up by a Stick” Trick
By Reed Thurston Nov. 11, 2015 Eyewitness reports confirmed recently that Alan Sanderson, senior Economics lecturer for the University of Chicago, was trapped underneath an upturned carboard box on the northeast corner of…
-
Wall Street Is Filled With Evil Capitalist Scum Except My Dad
By Ryan Fleishman May 11, 2017 Wall Street Is Filled With Evil Capitalist Scum Except My DadListen up, sheeple. Now that you’ve spent some time at the University of Chicago, you should be…
-
Bernie Sanders Now 90% Meme
By Adam Lowinger Feb. 18, 2016 In light of Senator Bernie Sanders’ recent success among the younger voters demographics, High-upsenior members of the Sanders cCampaign staff have begun to notices changes in thethe…
-
Goose Makes Classic “Goose” Face
By Chris Deakin Oct. 24, 2014 This morning, around 10 a.m., local accountant Irene Berger observed local goose Patrick the Goose make a particularly “goose” face. Berger recounted to The Dealer that she…
-
How To Tell Your Parents You’re a Philosophy Major Now
By Jean-Jacques Buterbaugh Dec. 5, 2018 You got home for winter break the other day but you can feel a lingering tension in the air. Your parents seem excited to see you but they…
-
First White People Arrive in New World, Try to Turn Natives on to Gilmore Girls
By Nik Varley, Jamestown 1607 Feb. 7, 2017 Jamestown, Virginia, 1607 – Sources have confirmed that the first white people have arrived in the New World and have immediately begun explaining to the…
