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Op Ed: Who Do We Worship at Rockefeller Chapel?
By Confused Prospective 1st Year April 20, 2018 When I came to campus for an “April Overnight Visit,” I was delighted to discover that the tallest building on campus is none other than…
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I Love The New Direction Packed Is Taking
By Chase Harrison Oct. 11, 2016 Well, they reimagined again. After causing a total campus meltdown last year, Packed: Dumplings Reimagined is back. The fast casual, organic, locavore, yuppie, globalist fusion restaurant caused…
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Real Man Speaks: Telling My Girlfriend To Calm Down Works Literally Every Time
By Lucas Chen April 27, 2015 Women can be very emotional. I recently read a New York Times article that claimed that women’s emotions are an asset, not a liability. But when it’s…
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President Zimmer Occupies Admin Building: demands less transparency, less student input
By James Ekstrom April 28, 2013 This morning, at 8:00 a.m., University staff attempting to begin work at the University Administration Building found the doors and ground-floor windows locked and barricaded from the…
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Seven Healthy Butter Substitutes
By Megan Parsons Jan. 29, 2018 Hey there, everyone, Megan here, aka Meg, aka Super Mommy. Trying to eat healthier in 2018? Have no fear! Eating well can be daunting, but these seven…
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Since You’re in the Market for a New Country…
By Daniel Ruttenberg June 25, 2016 Don’t go changing your flag just yet, because we have an offer for you. You’ve got a vacancy, and we want in. That’s right: The Ruttenberg Family…
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News in Brief: January 30
By Chicago Shady Dealer Feb. 1, 2015 In order to best serve the needs of the University of Chicago community, the Dealer has decided to publish weekly news briefs in addition to its…
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Likeness of Toast Found on Virgin Mary
By Jeremy Archer Feb. 4, 2013 JERUSALEM (AP): Sources close to the Messiah report the peculiar outline of toast on the face of the Lady Marian, mother of Jesus Christ. Machir, 34, a…
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First Year Excited to be Surrounded by Diverse Group of Assholes
By Morgan Pantuck, 5th Year Student Aug. 17, 2017 Incoming first year Brian Porter is extremely excited to be attending a top-tier institution like the University of Chicago where he can “finally gain…
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P/CP: Help! I got a “2100” on my STD
By Danny Marcus and Daniel Markus April 5, 2016 Point: Help, I got “2100” on my STD test By Danny Marcus Excuse me,—does anyone know what it means to get a 2100 on…
