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Mold-breaking Professor lets students decide midterm date as long as its 4th or 5th week
By Asher Leffell Oct. 17, 2017 UChicago has a long history of professors with big ideas. Every undergrad has heard at some point the story of Adam Stevens, the Chemistry professor who gave…
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Why Hillary Is Just Like You #Swag
By Liam Coles May 13, 2016 Hillary Clinton recently has gotten a bad rap about being “cold” and “unhip” with young people, but I am here to remind you that she is just…
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Neil deGrasse Tyson Breaks Down Science and Fiction in Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs Two
By Alex Foster Dec. 30, 2014 When Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs was released in 2009, it opened our eyes to a future of meteorology and food science that no one had…
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Helicopter Parent Builds Squadron of Quadrocopters to Protect Son
By Mark Boykin Dec. 17, 2012 Some parents may have a tendency to be protective of their children, but most have nothing on Samantha Korrin, a parent who makes her living as a…
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Student Asks Mugger If He Takes Venmo
By Nik Varley April 20, 2017 Student Asks Mugger If He Takes Venmo 55th and Maryland – At approximately 8:47 PM, eyewitnesses told the Dealer that student Todd Greenblatt was mugged on his…
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America is Ready for Florida Values
By Marco Rubio Feb. 2, 2016 Recently, there’s been a lot of talk about Donald Trump and his New York values. Values like yelling, rudeness, pickles, complaining, “‘fahgettingbout things“’, pigeons, and elitism. Well,…
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Zimmer Wishes His Salary Were Paid In Gum
By Tyler Patterson Oct. 23, 2014 University of Chicago President Robert Zimmer told reporters Thursday that while he remains “somewhat satisfied” with his compensation from the University of Chicago, he “fervently wishes” that…
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Satan Devises Business Fraternities Only to Realize They Are Already a Thing
By Sam Stephenson Oct. 26, 2018 On Wednesday afternoon, Satan, Prince of Darkness, was reportedly dismayed to find out that his newest creation, business fraternities, were already a thing. “I was sick of…
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How Can I Be A Good Boy If the Concept of Good Is Arbitrary and Flawed
By Fidocles, the Dog Jan. 13, 2017 “Who’s a good boy?” my master asks me. In that moment, my mind is opened to all of the possibilities of goodness in our world. For…
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Admissions Office Releases Class of 2019 Dick Statistics
By John Wilson Oct. 23, 2015 In an unexpected turn, the University of Chicago Admissions Office has released the penis size statistics for the class of 2019. The information was released on the…
