By Morgan Pantuck April 22, 2016 Chicago Aauthorities were shocked earlier this week by the discovery of a feral child in Chicago, Illinois whom they believe to have been raised by an improv…

By Clay Olsen Nov. 18, 2014 Kappa Delta Chi pledge and future Senate Majority Whip Scott Carter was seen backstroking through an Olympic-sized pool of vomit early last Saturday morning, sources close to…

By Kiara Nerenberg Nov. 7, 2012 A new wave of “uncommon-ness” has hit University of Chicago classrooms, this time in the form of rare textbook editions. “At first, it was just a few…

By Ryan Fleishman Feb. 25, 2017 Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Loses Wrestling Match To James “The Paper” ThompsonAfter a grueling No Holds Barred title match for the WWE World Intercontinental Championship Belt, Dwayne…

By Walker King Jan. 3, 2016 Hey buddy, how are you doing? In a revolving door, I see. And not just any revolving door. This revolving door, with me. Welcome. You’ve probably already…

By Timi Koyejo April 20, 2014 Following months of deliberation, Congressional leaders and President Obama have announced in a joint bipartisan news conference their plan to eliminate the budget deficit entirely through funds…

By Sam Stephenson Oct. 26, 2018 Dean Boyer, having recently read Plato’s Republic, announced that all Creative Writing majors would be exiled from University premises effective immediately. In an official statement justifying the…

By Antonia Salisbury Jan. 9, 2017 iMessage bumming you out? Snapchat not doing’ you dirty like it used to? Never fear, sSexting over Venmo is all the rage in 2017, and you heard…

By David North Oct. 23, 2015 A recent decision by editors of The Maroon, a “newspaper publisher” (sic) on campus, has moved the paper in a journalistic direction. The vote only nearly passed…

By Evan Bernstein Dec. 17, 2013 Frosty the Snowman, beloved Children’s icon and opiate addict , died in his Southern California home on Tuesday aged 37.While the cause of death is still under…