By David North Feb. 11, 2018 Why spend money on expensive face masks that leave your skin feeling dry and damaged or waste time in your busy college schedule going to a salon,…

By Daniel Ruttenberg July 31, 2016 A recent Omance between Benjamin Brooks and Cate Preston has gone Oorly, according to anonymous Ources. The Ources say Brooks and Preston Oth live in Ony Island…

By Milena Pross March 1, 2015 The “Fundamentals: Issues and Texts” concentration is an interdisciplinary program in which a student poses a question about human existence and spends the next three years attempting…

By Anna Newport Feb. 24, 2013 A new study commissioned by the Office of the Dean of Students’ has concluded that many of the academic and personal problems experienced by first-year students stem…

By Alan Weisz Aug. 18, 2017 Despite strictly enforcing their stringent “no shoes allowed” policy since they moved in last June, the residents of 5132 Greenwood Ave., Apt. 3A, have, by all accounts,…

By Katie Zellner April 23, 2016 “Seventeen, seh-seh-seventeen. SB seventeen twenty two.” Thus begins the song “Don’t Abort Her, Sir” from the trendy new musical penned by GOP lobbyist turned lyricist, Vernon White.…

By Chicago Shady Dealer Nov. 19, 2014 Marlon C. Lynch Reassures Students: Security Alert Will Be Sent Within 30 Days of First Ebola Death on Campus Marlon Lynch, Associate Vice President for Safety,…

By Catherine Alvarez-McCurdy Nov. 7, 2012 At a recent press conference, Dean of the College John Boyer announced plans to transform the Arley D. Cathey Learning Center, formerly Harper Reading Room, into the…

By Ryan Fleishman March 27, 2017 After an intense research and development period involving complex mathematics and squiggly speed lines, famed White Sox All-Star pitcher José Quintana has invented an entirely new baseball…

By Daniel Ruttenberg, 1720 Jan. 22, 2016 Harriet Johnson: Look at Harriet! Walking around like she is not supposed to be carrying a baby on top of her other in her baby. That…