By President Donald Trump April 13, 2017 Answers to The Four QuestionsBy Donald Trump Q: On all other nights, we eat chameitz and matzah. Why on this night, only matzah? A: First of…

By Edward of Borsky, 1427 Jan. 22, 2016 Ha! ‘Tis a Lark! ‘Tis Woe! You’re foiled, My foe! For thou Hast bringeth a sword to a slightly longer sword fight! ‘Tis a fate,…

By Daniel Moattar May 14, 2014 The editorial staff of The Chicago Shady Dealer is innocent, the balance of evidence suggests. The evidence, which is largely circumstantial, hinges on an unprovable assertion that…

By Audrey Fromson Nov. 22, 2018   If you’re having trouble suppressing the brat in you this Thanksgiving, you’re not alone. Read on to find out how to fake it until you make…

By Reed Thurston Feb. 1, 2017 President Trump Holds Press Conference To Read List of Black Friends In the wake of a turbulent and unnerving transition of power, the newly-elected President Donald Trump…

By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2015 I’ve let this go on for long enough, Pat. I know you’re just jacking off in your room. I’m not buying the “sexile” routine again. You really…

By Terry Hines (32 A.D.) Jan. 24, 2014 Our holy father was spotted turning the other cheek yesterday – for Judas to plant another sloppy kiss on him! Lately, rumors of Jesus’ sexuality…

By The News Desk June 18, 2018 Happy Father’s Day! Forgot to get your dad a Father’s Day gift? Forgot that Father’s Day was yesterday? Well, if you’re a shitty child, the Chicago…

By Morgan Pantuck Nov. 14, 2016 In a stunning announcement earlier this week, US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved a New Technology Application for the controversial “Fuckboy Cones” patented by Merck &…

By Milena Pross Aug. 9, 2015 The university prides itself on its unique housing system. With thirty-eight houses and eleven dormitories, the places where students live vary in appearance, cleanliness, and distance from…