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The Mandelbaum Translation Is Way Better than the Fagles
By Allen Mandelbaum Oct. 19, 2013 Translation is a dead art. No one would deny that. But it’s one thing to let a dead art stay dead, and it’s another thing to keep…
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Canada Geese Migrate South as Spring Approaches
By Diego Matamoros Feb. 20, 2018 A Flock of Canada Geese leaving Hyde Park for the Summer Spring has arrived in Chicago, and with it the familiar scenes that mark the changing of…
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First Year Drops All Four Classes In Order To Focus On Student Council
By Hakim Lahlou Oct. 9, 2016 In a shocking turn of events, a prospective Student Council member had to be forcibly removed from the UChicago campus, after accidentally dropping out of school. The…
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It Happened to Me: My One-Year-Old Stopped Thinking I Was Sexy
By Elizabeth Sawyer April 23, 2015 It’s every new mom’s worst nightmare. You think your relationship with your one-year old child is perfect. You stay up all night taking care of them, nursing…
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Party Review: Obscure Fraternity Misses the Mark
By Cambria Whitcomb April 25, 2013 The brothers of the University of Chicago’s Sampi Quoppa Stigma (ϡϘϛ) recently hosted a gathering at Regents Park. Unlike many fraternity houses, Regents Park offers entertaining space…
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Growing Student Movement Demands University Divest from John D. Rockefeller’s Oil-Suffused Corpse
By Thomas Noriega Oct. 17, 2017 The previous week saw the first major demonstration by student action group, “Maroons Against Oil Corpse,”Corpse-Oil”, a new movement demanding that the university invest in renewable power…
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Malia Obama receives Honorary University of Chicago Degree to Counteract Harvard Admittance
By Adam Lowinger May 13, 2016 In response to the Nnews that President Barack Obama’s eEldest daughter, Malia, will be attending Harvard after taking a gap year, the University of Chicago has decided…
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Classified: Artist Seeks Torture
By Dan Lastres Dec. 31, 2014 Classified: Artist Seeks Torture Aspiring artist with privileged upbringing seeks malevolent acts to inspire creative works. Applicants can expect to Humiliate me in public Point…
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How are you wasting your New Year’s Eve?
By Daniel Moattar Jan. 3, 2013 How are YOU wasting your New Year’s Eve? 21% Reconciling day’s debauchery with resolutions, image of self as human being 17% Pretending to have any…
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Trump Surprises Pence, Awards him Presidential Chastity-Belt of Freedom
By Dan Lastres April 21, 2017 Trump Surprises Pence, awards him Presidential Chastity-Belt of Freedom The White House – On Tuesday evening, President Trump surprised Vice President Mike Pence by awarding him the…
