By Greer Baxter Aug. 18, 2017 In partnership with the University of Nome, scientists from UofChicago have recently concluded a series of canine sleep experiments, the results of which confirmed what many had…

By Dan Lastres May 15, 2017 Distressed President Zimmer forcibly removed from O’Hare airport for soliciting donations An arrest report released today by the Chicago Police Department confirmed that University President Robert J.…

By Nik Varley April 20, 2017 North Korea Can’t Launch Missiles, But You Can’t Even Pull a B-Minus In SOSC Following North Korea’s disastrous missile launch last week, experts have agreed that the…

By Ryan Fleishman March 27, 2017 President Trump and his administration have conducted a veritable campaign of fear across American politics over the first three months of his presidency. Many people and celebrities…

By Ryan Fleishman Feb. 25, 2017 Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Loses Wrestling Match To James “The Paper” ThompsonAfter a grueling No Holds Barred title match for the WWE World Intercontinental Championship Belt, Dwayne…

By 18th Amendment, 1933 Feb. 5, 2017 P: 18th Ammendment: You’re Drunk Jesus Christ, 21st Amendment, you’re drunk. I told you that buying a handle of whiskey was a bad idea. How are…

By Dan Lastres, Stockholm, 1911 Jan. 30, 2017 The wife of celebrated chemist Pierre Curie was awarded a Nobel Prize for her discovery of two elements: Polonium 209 and Radium 223. Though Pierre…

By Fidocles, the Dog Jan. 13, 2017 “Who’s a good boy?” my master asks me. In that moment, my mind is opened to all of the possibilities of goodness in our world. For…

By Nik Varley Nov. 25, 2016 Don’t get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving.  I love getting a break from classes, eating loads of food and spending time with my old friends.  However, more…

By Philip O’Sullivan Nov. 14, 2016 The University of Chicago Admissions Office recently announced an exciting new diversity initiative, the Opportunity Scholarship, to help increase the diversity of rich and privileged students attending…