By Walker King Oct. 21, 2012 Tragedy struck the University of Chicago last week when the entire class of 2016 drowned in a series of freak accidents across the Chicago area. School officials…

By Adam Lowinger Feb. 26, 2017 Bill Clinton Would Like to Remind Populace He Only Had to Lie Once to Be Put on TrialBy Adam LowingerConsidering the recent scandals and controversies surrounding the…

By Ryan Fleishman Jan. 4, 2016 Stock up on fun condoms. Your friend will appreciate the special twist on their sex life when you surprise them with a Trojan Fire & Ice Ultra-Thin…

By Alexander Dunlap April 20, 2014 The University’s Student Health and Counseling Service has issued a warning to students and administrators about a harmful and highly addictive attitude reported to be on the…

By Ella Hester Sept. 24, 2018   Chronic “Gym Bro” Syndrome Some experts say that exercise is an incredibly efficient stress reliever. But they weren’t conducting their studies here in The Upside Down!…

By Cyrus Pacht Nov. 21, 2016 Wilhelm Schmendrick, who in the last local election had been appointed President of the Nose Party and had previously served two years as the Minister of Nasal…

By David North Oct. 16, 2015 First-year Jack Bailey of Coulter House was seen trying to hide his girlfriend, first-year Amy Xuhao, from his parents when they visited last weekend. Bailey carefully avoided…

By Jeremy Archer Nov. 9, 2013 Highlighting the lack of any sort of protection against an atomic blast, the managing board of the Atomic Bomb Defense Task Force announced today that this year’s…

By Nik Varley April 20, 2018 Investigative journalists for the Chicago Shady Dealer have discovered the source of the grotesque and inflammatory posts frequently submitted to the popular UChicago Secrets Facebook page: a…

By Jack U. Leighton Oct. 12, 2016 Nice Diploma, is it real? Weren’t you wearing that last class? Aww, that’s really cute. You pout a little when you talk about Ovid. You wearing…