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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    4 Drawers Your Parents Definitely Shouldn’t Open This Family Weekend

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Zakir Jamal Oct. 17, 2017 4 Drawers Your Parents Definitely Shouldn’t Open This Family Weekend 1. The bottom drawer of your dresser Shit — this is where you keep most of the…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    5 Albums You Should Only Masturbate To On Vinyl

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Teddy Zamborsky May 13, 2016 1. Exile on Mainstreet – The Rolling Stones Can you think of a better album to shake your hips,s, and your spidermonkey, to in its original analog…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    End Body Shaming!

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Morgan Pantuck Dec. 30, 2014 Point: End Body Shaming Now! People don’t like to hear that the media influences their most personal thoughts and feelings, but it’s true. Television, movies, the music…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Homeless Man Fined for Littering Himself

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Mark Boykin Dec. 17, 2012 A man living on the streets of Chicago was fined $300 dollars for littering when a policeman found him sleeping in an alleyway. Cedric Galloway, the homeless…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Turning Point? Vanilla Ice Denounces Donald Trump!

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ryan Fleishman March 27, 2017 President Trump and his administration have conducted a veritable campaign of fear across American politics over the first three months of his presidency. Many people and celebrities…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    All the Star Wars Movies, Ranked

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Ruttenberg, 2046 Jan. 22, 2016 Star Wars Episode XVIII: The Roast of Chewbacca Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope Star Wars Episode…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I Don’t Believe in Gay Marriage

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Morgan Pantuck May 13, 2014 Look, I know this isn’t the “politically correct” thing to say these days, but I have to get something off my chest. I don’t believe in gay…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Trump Summons Backup Collection of Balding White Men from White House Storage Cabinet After Sessions Resignation

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Kelly Tsing Sum Lo Nov. 7, 2018   Former Attorney General Jeff Sessions, a man described by friends as “the world’s least magical elf”, resigned earlier today in a move that marks…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Eighth-Grade Sean Spicer Announces House Party Totally Full, Extremely Fun

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ryan Fleishman Jan. 28, 2017 Eighth-Grade Sean Spicer Announces House Party Totally Full, Extremely FunIn a press conference streamed to YouTube last Saturday from his parents’ basement, eighth-grader Sean Spicer announced that…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Corrupted Article- Do not publish.

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Error Nov. 11, 2015 TTFun fact – this phenomenon is also known as Poseidon’s Kiss! Remember that this happened to gods too. Archeological studies have have havfound that most of the output…

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  • Point: I Want a Situationship / Counterpoint: I Think I’m in Love with Her
  • I only know Jeffrey, WHO THE FUCK IS MARK EPSTEIN?
  • 6 moral systems that say it’s okay for me to work for Raytheon

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