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Report: 78% of Brita filter owners are the only ones who ever fill the damn thing
By Becky Stoner Oct. 22, 2012 A study conducted by researchers in the Division of the Social Sciences at the University of Chicago found that 78% of Brita filter owners report being the…
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Traffic on the Quad Grinds to a Halt as Two Students Fail to Walk Past Each Other
By Jacob Johnson March 22, 2017 Wednesday, April 10At approximately 12:47 pm this Wednesday afternoon, local UChicago first-years Timothy Burnside and Felix Gardner became locked in a stunning display of over-politeness mixed with…
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Bernie Sanders Leans Too Far Left in Debate; Falls Down
By Anna Newport Jan. 18, 2016 Charleston, S.C. –—- Tragedy was narrowly averted at the Democratic debate Sunday night when Bernie Sanders, the 74-year-old Senator from Vermont, leaned too far left in his…
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Student Throws Pepper Shaker onto Balcony, Escapes Samsara
By Isaac Krone April 20, 2014 Bartlett Dining Commons was the site of a strange occurrence last Tuesday, when third-year Bret Stevenson escaped samsara during the crowded dinner rush. Bret was reportedly engaged…
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HVZ-Related Injuries at Record High After New Rule Allows Melee Weapons
By Adam Lowinger Nov. 2, 2018 Following a new rule permitting the use of melee weapons, a recent report has shown a rise in injuries among Humans Versus Zombies players. Humans Vs Zombies (HVZ)…
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119th Congress to conduct all business via 4chan.org/pol
By Dan Lastres Jan. 17, 2017 Ø Ø The freshly-inaugurated 119th Congress kicked off a historic session by rewriting the senate’s rules and regulations, requiring members to conduct all official business…
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How Subtly Do You Flirt with Your TA?
By Morgan Pantuck Nov. 9, 2015 1. You run into your TA in Ex Libris. You: a. Wave at them from the coffee line b. Make small talk about class c. Tell them…
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Oriental Institute embraces post-colonial terminology; to be Renamed “Institute of Exotic Studies”
By Ayesha Wadhawan Dec. 24, 2013 As part of a comprehensive program of modernization, the University of Chicago’s Oriental Institute has adopted a title more suited to the post-modern era: “The University of…
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Student Government: U-PASS to Be Replaced by U-BER
By Ella Hester May 25, 2018 Starting in the 2018-2019 school year, students in the College will have the option of choosing an alternative to the U-PASS: the U-BER. This new program…
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Kid Behind Me Won’t Stop Answering Rhetorical Questions in Class
By Jacob Johnson Nov. 8, 2016 “Why would anyone, for any reason, answer a rhetorical question? If you answered that question in your head just now, fuck you- you’re part of the problem.”…
