Deal of the Century! “Functional Government” Listed on Black Friday Sale for $54.99
SEATTLE—Amazon’s “groundbreaking” 2025 Black Friday sale will include a functional government, offered for “the low, low price of $54.99,” a company spokesperson announced Monday. The item’s listing claims the product possesses “24 gallons of integrity,” comes in beige, white, and “multicultural,” and is covered by an 18-month warranty.
Amazon cited “waning demand for competent governance” and “improvements in access to almost criminally low-cost manufacturing labor” as factors to the low price. Previously, the US government had been listed for $100, but few buyers were interested. “We originally posted the whole bundle for $95.99, but then we remembered that the stock of the Supreme Court has really depreciated ever since we appointed Amy Coney Barrett,” said White House spokesperson Karoline Leavitt. “We know because we’ve had SCOTUS listed on eBay since 2018.”
Amazon’s marketing campaign for the product features endorsements from celebrities such as Shaquille O’Neal, Jennifer Aniston, and oh, that guy, what was he in again? Early reports indicate that the product will likely be purchased by every single country in the world and immediately returned because it arrived damaged.
