6 moral systems that say it’s okay for me to work for Raytheon
When I tell people I’ve got a job at Raytheon lined up for after I graduate, they usually say things like, “That’s really cool,” or “You’re really cool for working at Raytheon,” or “The fact that you’re going to work at Raytheon is one of the coolest things I know about anyone.” But sometimes, they don’t.
Sometimes they say things like, “Don’t you have any ethical qualms about working for a company that manufactures weapons that have repeatedly been used in Saudi airstrikes to kill Yemeni civilians?”
Well, no. I don’t have any moral qualms. And that’s because my career choices are actually completely morally acceptable. Don’t believe me? Not only are you a clueless idiot, but by the time you’re finished with this list of six moral systems that say I’m a good person, you’ll know just how clueless and idiotic you are.
- Nihilism
According to moral nihilism, everything is basically whatever. Is anything good? Is anything bad? No. No. It’s whatever. And that means it’s not good for me to help facilitate the sales of guided air-to-surface missiles to the Israeli Defense Force, but it’s not bad either. It’s just whatever.
- Blood Utilitarianism
Blood utilitarianism is like utilitarianism, only instead of being about maximizing happiness and well-being, it’s about maximizing death and suffering. If we follow blood utilitarianism, it’s actually really good for me to function as a cog in a giant machine of death. Now, you might be thinking, But it’s bad when there’s suffering, it’s bad when there’s death, but to that I say: blood utilitarianism says it’s fine. Therefore, it’s fine, and I’m a good person.
- Whatever Hobbes Was Talking About
I read Hobbes a few years ago, so I can’t give you any quotes from him or anything. But, suffice it to say, he was a really smart guy and everybody thinks so, and I remember him saying something about how you can kind of do whatever you want unless somebody stops you, including working at Raytheon.
- Neo-Imperialism
There are some people who don’t like it when the capitalist class of the United States uses arms manufacturing as a way of extending its influence into every corner of the globe, perpetrating war crimes while furthering their dependence on the global hegemon. Other people think it’s good. And I think it’s way more fun to listen to those people than the other ones.
- Social Darwinism
Social Darwinism is awesome. A child in Yemen may not like it when I help procure the bombs used to murder half their family during a wedding party, but there’s nothing stopping that child from getting a job with a different defense contractor and making bombs that will murder half of my family. That’s the beauty of the free market, pal. You see, Yemeni child, get on my level.
- My paycheck from Raytheon
At the end of the day, no moral philosophy is as convincing as my paycheck from Raytheon. Because according to my paycheck from Raytheon, I get $82,000 a year, and you get to pound sand.
