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Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    Apply for the Royal Internship

    Andrea Zhou / October 2, 2025

    Applicants must be at least 33% inbred.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Bridge Between Quad and Reg Somehow Collapses Despite Being Solid Road

    Justin Bilenker / October 2, 2025

    To cut costs, Molecular Engineering professors were rushed to the scene in lieu of real civil engineers.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    “Back to Basics” Aims of Education Address Stresses, Shapes, Counting

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / October 1, 2025

    “It’s been neat playing around with this whole ‘expanding your capacity to engage critically with challenging ideas’ and ‘deepening your understanding of your role in an ever-changing world’ routine, but it’s time to…

    read more
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • Econ Professor: University Could “Fix Deficit” by Repossessing Free Orientation T-Shirts
  • In sharp response to ICE aggression, Democrats write extremely angry letter
  • Student to Test Limits of Regenstein’s “Snacks but No Meals” Policy
  • Student killed by Roommate’s Anthropomorphic Lamp
  • The Three Sub-Schools of UChicago
  • Bowls of Adderall Labeled “Don’t Do It ;)” Found Across Campus
  • Trump creates “Random Gender Generator” to replace X markers on passports
  • Point: I would love you if you turned into a worm/Counterpoint: I would not love you if you turned into a worm
  • Top Five Foods to Try… Er, Tables to Visit at the Study Abroad Fair
  • Alphabet Ct De to Bdget Crisis

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