Quantum Mechanics Final to Be Held in One of Seven Locations

Students enrolled in CHEM 36200: Quantum Mechanics were bewildered to find that their final exam will be held at 7:30 AM on Tuesday of finals week in “one of seven possible locations.” These locations, spread throughout various buildings across campus, are all in rooms with those chairs with the tiny- arm-desks which break all the time.

A representative from the Office of the Registrar justified the decision by explaining that “due to the quantum uncertainty principle, because we know exactly when the exam will be, we are unable to determine exactly where the exam will be until it happens and is observed. We were luckily able to narrow it down, but we really can’t say for sure.” 

Nonetheless, students are expected to be a minimum of ten minutes early to the exam.

“I’m a little apprehensive about it,” said third-year Nicholas Jones. “It’s a good thing we know exactly when it’ll start—7:45, because the professor will be late—but I’d literally actually physically kill to find out where it’s gonna be. I don’t know when I need to wake up, where I should sit, or even how fast the exam will be moving. But I do know what will be on the exam because I stole a copy from our professor’s mailbox.” 

When asked how he’d managed to steal the exam in advance undetected, he replied, “See, that’s the neat thing about quantum uncertainty. Our professor knows exactly when and where the exam was taken from, so he can’t possibly know who took it.”

It was later revealed that the real reason the Registrar couldn’t pin down the exact location of the exam was due to regular uncertainty, rather than quantum uncertainty. The exam will be held on Tuesday of finals week at 7:30AM in Kent 107, which they had mistakenly double-booked for the Biochem final.