Donald Trump Signs Executive Order Directing Economy to Be “Good” Instead of “Bad”

As part of his latest slew of executive orders, President Donald Trump has signed an order directing the economy to be “Good” instead of “Bad.” This move came after several days of negotiations with The Economy stalled out. During negotiations, Trump was seen mocking the economy with a “Make it Rain” gesture, something known to be offensive to the monetary community. Upon leaving the meeting, Trump declared that the economy was “an absolute loser. All of it. The businesses, the taxes, the people in charge, all of them are losers. And I don’t like them very much, I know some people do but I don’t like them, and I like a lot of people.”

The other executive orders signed today include a variety of measures that Donald Trump has been hoping to enact for a long time, including Executive Order 14185: “Bring us more jobs”, and Executive Order 14190: “More money”, which are aimed at bringing jobs and money back to the United States.

Also included were jabs at President Trump’s other enemies, such as executive order 14188: “Don’t Talk to Joe Biden ever again” and executive order 14196: “Come back from the store with the milk, Papa.”

Economic advisors from around the world have expressed doubt at the efficacy of these orders. The Dealer’s own Financial Columnist, Denari Moneta, said that these orders would “Irreversibly impact our relationship with the economy.” Instead, he proposed softer measures such as “writing a song to sing outside the economy’s window” or perhaps “inviting them to a casual hangout. Nothing fancy, just two old friends talking and we see where it goes.”

The Economy was unavailable for comment.