Mozart Annihilates Beethoven in Searing New Diss Track “Piano Sonata No. 9”

December 11, 1778

AUSTRIA– The biggest music beef of 1790 just had its most exciting update yet. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart utterly destroyed longtime rival Ludwig Van Beethoven with the smash track “Piano Sonata No. 9.” The song features disses such as “Better take some notes on your treble clef / I listen to your songs like ‘is this guy deaf?’” 

Strife between the two has been going on since Mozart’s “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” the lyrics of which Beethoven proclaimed in a pamphlet distributed about town to be“weak as shit” and “baby stuff.” In “Piano Sonata,” Mozart responded to this claim directly, “You talk all that shit about ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ / Bro I’m just wondering who the twinkle fuck you are.” 

Beethoven has yet to officially respond to the diss, but potential lyrics of his response have been leaked. One couplet states, “Wolfy couldn’t even bed a maid / After the show I gotta sweep all these corsets off my stage.”