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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Guy in Practice Room Humored by Neighbor’s Feeble Attempt At Music

    Jillian Amsler / October 7, 2021

    “How cute,” thought Jeff Herbert, a second year living in Campus North Residential Commons, as he overheard the music coming from the room over. “They really let anybody play in these practice rooms…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Red October: Wellness Czar Overthrown by Bolsheviks in House Council Election

    Nadezhda “Kay” Krupskaya / October 5, 2021

    This just in: Nicholas Romanov, the longtime Wellness Czar of Salisbury House in Burton-Judson, has been unseated by an anonymous group gaining traction on campus: “The Wellness Bolsheviks”. According to our sources, the…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Op-Ed: Stext and the City: Stacks Are Not-So-Secret Haven for Desperate Undergrads 

    Karrie “Kay” Bradshaw / October 4, 2021

    Books are teachers, and very patient ones, for that matter. The lesson that all the books in the Regenstein bookstacks collectively taught me is that sometimes I should trust the posts on UChicago…

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Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

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  • Confused Animal Rights Group seen protesting outside NFL HQ after Bad Bunny announcement
  • Religious Studies Class Taught by Pope Leo XIV Cancelled Due to Federal Cuts
  • Trump accidentally destroys East Wing of Woodlawn
  • All Microeconomics 101 Students Swapped into Beginner Akkadian in Add-Drop Fiasco
  • First Year Formally Reprimanded for Failing to Intellectualize Homesickness
  • University to introduce affirmative action for guys named Sean (Shaun and Shawn excluded)
  • In his second memoir, “Ignore My First One,” Vance reveals that the root of his anger toward Zelensky was his thick lashes.
  • 12 Days of UChicago Finals
  • LA Dodgers Fan finds out the Dodgers are a Baseball team and not a Hat Company

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